


ColdFlash- Soulmates

by Higgies230



Series: ColdFlash- Soulmates [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-07-14 12:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7170707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgies230/pseuds/Higgies230
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry and Leonard were together before Barry knew about his boyfriend's criminal tendencies. That caused problems and eventually broke them apart. Now Leonard is back in Barry's life. It seems that they were destined to be together, criminal and justice, good and bad, cold and speed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leonard Snart

  Barry sat at the bar and waved the barman over for another drink, another pint of cold beer to stave of the rather uncomfortable humidity of the room. Music was blaring and people were dancing or just sitting at the tables scattered through the club. Lights flashed, many colours skipping across the walls, floor and the people there. It was all just very loud and bright, the press of people on the dance floor something that the young scientist had no intention of joining. It wasn't really Barry's jam.

  He had come with an old friend from years back, a guy called Jim Mane who had been his friend in college. The guy was a good friend who he had recently got back in contact with after a six month silence. His friend had insisted he come to this place and "get out", away from his lab. So Barry had agreed to go with him and yet Jim had long ago disappeared into the chaos that was the club- so really it was just Barry on his own. Yep, the scientist was having his reservations about the place, it seemed to be one of those underground places where all the bad folk mingled with dodgy citizens and as a member of the police department, that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Partly due to his sense of justice, also because he held the same sense of self preservation that the rest of man kind did.

  
"Why hello there," A gravelly voice crooned behind him, pulling him from his thoughts.

  Barry jumped and turned to see the guy that had spoken standing there. The first thing Barry registered was his features, all of which were good- very good. The guy sported cheek bones that made Barry drool. The most attractive feature however, the bit that stood out most profoundly were the eyes. He had very blue eyes, the colour wasn't quite constant, there were many shades there. The colour was breath-taking but there was an intensity there, a gleam that Barry couldn't quite put words to. All he was sure of was that he wouldn't mind seeing eyes like that pair more frequently.

  
"I couldn't help but notice you sat up here alone," the man drawled, a smirk curling the corners of his rather tempting mouth," If I am going to be frank, that surprised me, how someone looking like you do has not yet been scooped up."

  
"Um... um I came with a friend but I don't know where he is," Barry stuttered blushing furiously and looking away for a moment in embarrassment. It was probably very obvious that he didn't do this kind of thing, most likely as obvious to the man as having a neon sign on his forehead stating as much.

***  
  After that rough start the two had began to talk. The man had introduced himself as Leonard Snart and Barry had replied with his name. Leonard had done a lot of smooth talking and Barry had mostly tried to keep his cool- easier said than done. It was hard, very, very hard, when talking to an older guy who was, to be frank, gorgeous, or at least he was in Barry's opinion. He had been unsure of his preferences for a while but the man beside him had put that insecurity at least to rest- man were definitely on for dating.

   The leather jacket  Leonard sported was unzipped to reveal a dark, tight fitting shirt that showed a well defined body. He was lean, the t-shirt showing muscle and not an inch of lose skin which left Barry wondering as the the condition of the rest of the body. He tried not to let his mind wonder to far though- that would make an embarrassing reveal and an awkward end to the conversation.

  
"So what do you do Barry," Snart asked eventually. He was leaning in close, his casually laid hand was almost touching Barry's- a fact the younger man was acutely aware of- and Barry could distinctly smell leather and steel on the man.

  
"Well, I am a forensic scientist for the C.C.P.D," Barry said, looking carefully down at his half drunk beer. Maybe he should't say something like that in a club like the one he was in but he couldn't help wanting to open up to the other. "What about you Leonard?"

  
"Call me Len, Leonard is so formal," Snart told Barry, he didn't seem the least bit taken back by Barry's occupation, if anything he was impressed. "You look very young to be working for the C.C.P.D, especially as a forensic scientist, you must be very smart."

  
  Barry couldn't help the shy smile the pulled up his lips at the compliment, quickly dropping his gaze and only looked up again as Len began to speak, drinking in the older man's beauty while trying not to openly stare,"as for me, I move from job to job, doing what I can you know."

  
  Speaking of jobs... Barry looked down at his watch then and groaned quietly. It was 1.30am.

  
"Look, Len, I have to go. I've got to get some sleep before work tomorrow," Barry smiled apologetically and stood to leave. Leonard Snart grabbed his arm and held him back with a sly grin playing about his features. The touch took him back at first, the warmth from the hand seeping through the layers of clothes and making his skin tingle.

  
"It's been fun chatting with you Barry, I think I'd like to talk to you again. How about swapping numbers?"

  
  Barry couldn't help the surprise he felt, he'd only just met the guy- even so _he_ wanted to see Leonard Snart and those blue eyes again. "Yeah... yeah sure," he stuttered as Leonard produced paper and pen from some pocket in his jacket, he promptly scrawled his number down on the paper, ripped it in half and handed the two halves along with the pen to Barry. The forensic scientist took the paper and pen, staring somewhat blankly down at the number on one half before he leaned against the bar again, writing his own number down on the second half, handing it and the pen to the blue eyed man. Leonard smiled again, but this time it was a smile filled with much more warmth than the previous smirks and grins accompanied by searching eyes.

  
  Barry Allen left the club that night clutching the inked paper reverently in his hand, a silly smile spreading across his face. Jim was right, it was fun to get out there.


	2. First to Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard calls first.

  Barry didn't tell anyone about Leonard Snart, not even Iris as his best friend in the entire world. He wasn't sure he was comfortable with Joe and Iris knowing he was into guys, the thing he had been picking over for so many years of his life. It was one thing to have a gay boss and another to have a homosexual foster son/brother. He knew they would be supportive but there was the general embarrassment, and what was the point when he had met a hot guy once and had seen a couple of guys in the past that he had secretly admired along side Iris. It really wasn't important. All Barry knew was that after meeting Snart his adoration of Iris had dimmed. His sark and his eyes just slightly out shinning that long held adoration for his friend, a girl who was more his sister than anything. He hadn't even been sure that this thing with Iris had been an actual crush for years, more just a deep-seated love for someone in his family. 

  Despite this he had kept the number, obviously, and yet he hadn't the courage to call it. He had typed it into his phone, added Leonard as one of his contacts. Barry had almost called several times but wimped out each and every one of them.

***  
  Barry rapped on the door to the West house only having to wait a moment before Iris opened it. Light and warmth poured out into the cold night along with the smell of something good cooking. Iris smiled brightly at him and pulled him into a quick, bone-braking hug before they stepped inside.

  The lounge was full of light and was particularly warm after the chill of the September night. It held that cosy quality that only a house lived in for many years by a family could hold. It was the cosiness of home. Barry took of his jacket and laid it over the back of the sofa, easily slipping into the comfort of being in the house that he had been raised in since he was eleven.

  Joe poked his head around the corner and gave a wide smile and a welcoming "Hello"  at that moment, Barry raising his hand in greeting, before disappearing back into the kitchen.

***

  The three of them had just sat down in front of steaming plates of Joe's spaghetti bolognese when Barry's phone began to ring. He pulled it from his pocket and looked at the number. He couldn't help it as his face lit up; the number belonged to Leonard Snart.

"I just going to go and take this," Barry briefly waved the phone and got up at Joe's excepting nod and smile. As soon as he had closed the front door behind him, Barry pressed accept.

"Well you took your time answering," came the familiar drawl from the other end.

"Dinner with family, had to get out, sorry," Barry told Snart.

"Embarrassed Barry? Do they not know that you're into guys? " Len teased.

"They don't know but I just don't like taking on the phone to anyone in front of people anyway- making that point irrelevant. So, um, is there a particular reason that you called?" Barry said hopefully.

"Yes, I hope there is," Leonard said on the other end of the line," I thought that it might be nice to meet up again. Somewhere to have a nice, decent meal perhaps."

"So, like a date," Barry suggested. 

"You could call it that if you wanted," was the sly reply. 

"Okay, I'm up for that," Barry beamed.

"Yeah... I was thinking Big Belly Burger night after tomorrow at 7pm. How that sound?" Snart said.

"Sounds good," Barry chuckled to himself.

"Then why are you laughing?"

"I guess it's just that you said "decent meal" and then "Big Belly Burger". I like Big Belly Burger, don't get me wrong, it's great, just not what I thought you'd mean," Barry said rather hurriedly.

"I see your point Barry. I see your point. So you sure your up for it?" Leonard double checked.

"Definitely," Barry assured him.

"Well, Barry, see you then," Len said, and Barry could practically hear him smiling.

***

  Barry reentered the house and sat down at the table after the call ended. As soon as he walked through the door he could feel the warmth thawing out his fingers from their numb state after his brief stint outside.

"So, who was that?" Iris asked looking up briefly while filling another forkful of bolognese.

"Just a mate," Barry said as casually as possible, plopping himself back down at the table and tucking into his own food. There still wasn't a point in telling them. Nothing had happened yet.

***  
  Barry pulled his jacket tighter around him as he stepped off of the bus and was bombarded by the evening chill. Lights were on in all the shops and street lamps stood watch over vehicles and pedestrian alike, bathing the roads and pavements in soft yellow and white glows. A few cars passed, wheels sloshing through puddles from the shower a few hours prior and a couple of people made their ways down the street, hunched against the cold. Barry looked down at his watch, he was quarter of an hour early. That had never happened before- it was just proof of his nerves and how little he actually dated.

  He turned the corner to see Leonard already there. The man was leaning easily against the cold brick next to the door of Big Belly Burger. He wore only a t-shirt and flannel and yet the cold didn't seem to bother him. The sight only made Barry feel it more, making him shiver. 

  Len didn't notice the forensic scientist until he was right next to him, he had been intently watching the light from one of the street lamps as it reflecting off of the rain slick road and water that sprayed up as the odd car passed. To be fair to him though, Len didn't jump when Barry said his name, just turned calmly. He knew that he definitely would have.

  Leonard turned his blue eyes on Barry, his face lighting up in a way that made the butterflies in his stomach increase their fluttering; no one had ever looked at him like that. The smile on Leonard's face was a cross between the sly number he had first given Barry and the warm one that he had gotten after they had swapped numbers. Barry decided that he wanted to see that smile more often. It was one that really met his eyes and made them even more intriguing, impossible as that should be. 

"So Barry, you are one of those that arrives early," Snart commented.

"Actually I am usually late, almost always late in fact, this is probably- maybe definitely- just a one off," Barry shrugged, smiling even as Len's smile morphed into smugness.

"I think you will find that I will always be on time, I am not normally early but if you're one to be late we can do that Barry, if all goes well... But anyhow let us get inside out of the cold," Leonard stood and gestured at the door to the restaurant.

"Well, the cold doesn't seem to effect you anyway," Barry acknowledged.

"Oh, I feel the cold, I just don't _let_ it effect me." With that he raised a hand and touched it against Barry's face making the twenty two year old jump.

  Snart's hand was cold, not like the last time he had touched Barry, the fingers rough but, after the initial surprise, Barry leaned into them slightly, smiling at an equally happy looking Leonard. It would only have been a moment that they stood like that but for the two it was quite a while longer before Leonard removed his hand and they walked into the welcome warmth of the venue behind them.

  Barry took off his jacket as they sat in a window booth, setting it down beside him. Len sat down opposite him and as Barry looked back up at him he saw that smiled again, this time with more humor etched into the creases it made around his mouth.

"Well, that is marvelous," he lent back, seeming to admire Barry," The last time we met you were wearing that jacket too, hiding that shape, very nice Mr Allen." 

  He laughed as Barry's checks turned a distinctive red.

***  
Once their orders had arrived, Leonard seemed to turn even more attention on Barry.

"Barry, you are smart, your occupation shows that much, but I am just a high school dropout. If I had to choose my favorite topic though it would have to be science. Always fascinated me even as a boy. Maybe you could tell me about forensics?" Snart leaned across the table while Barry popped another chip into his mouth as he thought of how to reply.

"Well, what would you like to know?" was his eventual reply.

"Hmm, well, do you just use chemicals or do you have these special machines to find things? That is my first question," Snart tilted his head to one side, just the very ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

  Barry couldn't help but smile down at his food, he loved his job and grabbed at every opportunity to talk about it. Few people were interested enough to listen, let alone ask. He was known to rant about the things he loved.

"There are machines yes, but I use mostly chemicals. We have, however, recently got a new machine called a... what was it, LA-ICP-MS," Barry told the man across form him.

"That is quite a mouthful. What does it do?" Leonard pressed and Barry reveled in the chance to explain.

"It is used in crimes mostly when there has been shattered glass. Normally I would piece together all of the shards to find the point of impact, I still do. This machine is able to analyse the sharps on an atomic scale. It has a highly sensitive recognition system and it can identify even the smallest fragments of glass on something like clothing, then it can do stuff like match that glass to the window or door that was smashed," Barry said enthusiastically.

  Snart nodded, biting down on his own chip, he looked quite impressed. Barry took another bite of his burger and watched as Leonard did the same after finishing his current mouthful. He really wanted to go on but he _really_ didn't want to go on too much of a rant and put the other off.

"So, how about things like fingerprinting. Surely you don't use sellotape like in the school labs," Len chuckled and Barry joined him.

"No, we don't. There are four main chemicals used to collect finger prints. Iodine and cyanoacrylate are two that you have to heat to fumes. Silver nitrate and ninhydrin you can use as a dip or spray. There are other chemicals like thenoyl europium chelate or T.E.C. Those are used on more porous surfaces," Barry explained.

His enjoyment set Snart to chuckling again before he said," this is rather interesting. How about blood, how do you find those really small blood samples?"

"Um, with fluorescein mostly. It reacts the oxygen and the haemoglobin in the blood, spray it onto a suspected area then look for fluorescence," Barry told Snart.

Leonard shook his head, a warmth was lingering in those blue eyes.

***  
  They talked long after the food had disappeared about random things. Just sat, enjoying each other's company. Despite not being a regular at that kind of thing- dating and all- Barry found that he was really relaxed.He found that Snart had a sister and his father had once been a cop, a bad cop Len hastened to add. The way Leonard had talked about his dad told Barry that he didn't like the man at all. He wondered then if his dad was the reason Len never finished school, he was obviously interested in learning and their conversation, the way the other spoke and comprehended things, the very look in his eyes screamed intelligence. It seemed like a waste to him.

  It was only when the restaurant was closing that they actually left. Barry stood and pulled on his jacket, the two of them walking back out into the cold night in companionable silence.

"Well goodnight," Barry said once they had walked for a few minutes and it was clear their paths were separating. He gave one last smile before turning to go.

Leonard caught his arm, just as he had last time, as he turned away and pulled him back round to face him. The sly smile was back in place as he pulled Barry's hands from his jacket pockets, lacing their fingers together. Then he leaned forward and their lips met so warm against the chill night.

Barry felt his heart skip a beat and he too lent forward, deepening the kiss.


	3. Criminal for a Soulmate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set three months after chapter 2  
> When Barry finds out what Leonard Snart does for a living.

_Barry felt his heart skip a_ _beat and he too lent forward, deepening the kiss._

**Three months later.**

  The morning sun shone down through the curtains that covered the bedroom window in Barry's apartment. It was a winter sun and so held little warmth but it was bright, shining directly onto the forensic scientist's face, waking him from a deep, dreamless and altogether very comfortable sleep.

  He groaned and squirmed slightly under the sheets, feeling the arm that curled around him, the hand lying limply on his stomach and the even even breathing of the sleeping man next to him, breath on his neck, chest rising and falling gently against his back. That was how Barry had woken almost everyday for the past month. They had both quickly built a bond that Barry had never felt before and so every morning that he woke in Leonard Snart's arms he was happy. He never suffered the nightmares that had plagued him since his mother died when his boyfriend was there and likewise, Len told Barry that he seemed to ward off his own night time demons.

 It was as if Len had basically moved in and Barry was happy with that. It was a gradual thing, staying for a night or two a week once they had really got into the swing of things about a month in, then it just started to get more frequent until it was a constant thing by month three, many of Len's possessions including books, clothes and toothbrush had made their way into the apartment making it more like _their_ apartment anyway. Len had explained that he had room mates, that he lived in a house and that each upstairs room was rented out and so it was crowded, which was why Barry had never been there, whenever they spent the night together it was at Barry's- but he was okay with that. Leonard said that he really only went to his own home to sleep, that it wasn't really a home more just a house anyway. Barry was happy to let his boyfriend stay in his apartment, maybe that could become his home- as appeared to be the case. 

  He hadn't told Joe or Iris about any of this though, partly because he didn't know how but mostly because once Len found out that Joe was a police detective he didn't want Barry's family to find out about him either. This should have sent up alarm bells but Barry guessed that it didn't because he was smitten and Len seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. There was just something about him, Barry was aware that they had moved fast into this but it seemed so right. Still, Len's avoidance niggled at the back of Barry's mind getting slowly more and more persistent. He let it slip from his thoughts in that moment. He wanted to savor the feeling, the slight warmth of the early morning sun, the comforting weight of Len's arm and the breath. He was so contented in that moment, hated the act that he knew he would have to get up in a minute to get ready and go to work. No way were dark thoughts going to spoil it.

  He felt Len shift behind him at that moment. The man sat up slightly then his hand slowly started to move from Barry's stomach to his hip, the fingers rubbing soft circles once they reached their destination. The forensic scientist raised his head off of the pillow and turned to see Len's sleepy smile, returning it with a slightly more alert one of his own.

"I've got to go to work," Barry told Len as he to sat up.

Len slowly nodded and said in return, "I've got a job tonight as well so I won't be back until around two tomorrow morning."

  Barry looked down at Len for a second. Normally he would have asked what the other was going to do, he'd always reply with something like security guard. Today he only saw his chance to ease the itch in the back of his consciousness, no need to ask- he'd find out himself. Make sure that that insecurity could be put to bed.

"Okay," Barry leaned forward briefly and pressed his lips to Len's. Then he threw off the duvet and climbed out of bed. He left the bedroom but headed towards the living room rather the straight to the shower, into the living room and to the coffee table where he knew Len's phone to be, he picked it up, unlocked it and turned on the GPS before carefully putting it down and heading for the shower.

***

  Barry sat and looked down at his phone. The red dot on the map showed Len moving further and further from the apartment. The mark was moving too quickly for him to be walking and Barry assumed that he was riding his motorbike. Nothing unusual there.

  He breathed out slowly, he hated being suspicious of his boyfriend but that was who he was, he hated that that was who he was but he couldn't help it, couldn't convince that little nagging voice to just shut up. He sometimes still couldn't believe that he had let Len into his life like he had, he had always struggled with that kind of thing ever since his mum died- the main reason that he didn't tend to date. He just wasn't good at that kind of thing where he had to let his protective walls fall to let a person truly know him and how he felt. It had taken him so long with Joe and Iris, much longer than with Len. The worst part was that he wasn't even sure why he felt so strongly about the other man, all he knew was that he did. Like they were just meant to be- soulmates or something stupidly soppy and romantic.

  Barry looked out of the window briefly before glancing back to his phone. It was dark outside and cold, Christmas was fast approaching- something that both excited him and made him very nervous, the thought of his first Christmas with this new guy in his life. Barry stood up and went over to the window to confirm just how cold it was, leaning right out and allowing the fair wind to strike his face. He felt awful, guilt and worry boiling in his gut, but the cold helped. He remembered what Len had said on their first date a lifetime ago about not letting the cold effect him, well at that point in time Barry wanted the cold to effect him. Yet despite how the feeling of the temperature helped, the cold just reminded him of Len and how much he loved him. How much he _needed_ Len to be going off to be a security guard.

  He held the phone out in his hand, still leaning out into the cool night. The dot had stopped moving in Englewood, a residential area near Granite Peak National Park, nowhere where there would be work for a security guard.

***

  Hours later Barry heard the door open and close. He was tucked up in bed, the duvet slung over him, right up to the neck. He had left the window open and the apartment was freezing but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to close it.

  It may have been a good five minutes after the door closed that Barry got up. The cold hit him full on in just his joggers and vest but he didn't care, he just needed his suspicions to be wrong.

"Hey Barry," Len said, looking up from the coffee he was brewing," I didn't think you'd be up at this time."

"Yeah well, we need to talk about what you really do," Barry said picking up his phone from the kitchen counter and leaning on it, opposite Len.

  Leonard stood a bit straighter, pushing himself off of the counter. He had that mask in place, a cleverly constructed thing that hid what he was really feeling, a mask that Barry had tried to achieve and ultimately always failed, "I can explain ton-" he started before Barry cut him off.

"Explain that you visited Englewood where there would be no chance that you would get a security job, and that about half an hour after you were there there was a robbery report," Barry accused, he could feel the lump forming in his throat but it was all his fault anyway, his fault for allowing Leonard Snart in.

"I am sorry," Len said looking Barry straight in the eye with sincerity," and I will explain, although it is your choice whether that explanation means that we can... um carry on."

  Barry was surprised by the look in Len's eyes, sincere and fearful breaking through that mask. He watched the mask crumble and all that was left was that seriousness, the fearfulness. Fearful to lose Barry? Did he value what they had as much as Barry did?

  Len hesitated briefly before he took Barry's hand in his and led him to the bedroom. Barry tried not to clutch to that hand, he wanted to listen to the explanation and for that explanation to make everything okay but he couldn't show Leonard that. He didn't want to show that how desperate he was. How much he needed the man to tell him everything and he would only do that if he really thought that their relationship was in danger, he would only do that if their relationship was important to him. He thought he knew Len enough by that point to be sure of that much.

  Leonard and Barry sat down on the crumpled bed, on Len's made side. The older man turned to Barry and visibly swallowed, adam's apple bobbing.

"You think that I am a criminal, a thief," Len sated, it was clear that he was trying to keep his voice steady, Barry just nodded silently and sadly. "You are- you're right, I... I am."

  Barry looked at him, at Len as he paused. His heart was pounding, he had wanted Len to deny his thoughts not outright tell him that he was right. But there was that fear in Len's eyes and sadness telling Barry that there was more.

"You already know that I had a cop for a dad, a bad cop. I also have a sister called Lisa. My dad used to... to beat us, and I had to protect Lisa. I stole to keep him happy and that was from a young age mind you. It is a very basic story really. I guess... I guess it's just habit now, all I know." He has stuttered at the point about his dad abusing him. And his sister? Barry hadn't known that Len had a sister, certainly didn't know that Lewis Snart had been a child beater as well as a rotten cop.

  Barry had looked down at the blue bed sheets beneath them, a little, no very, overwhelmed by the confession. That was so incredibly different to his upbringing: happy and when there was a trauma there were people there for him- no wonder Leonard had nightmares. He still told himself not to reach for his boyfriend's hand, had to make sure that everything would work out, couldn't just let it drop or even suggest that it would be.

"So I continue to steal. It is, yeah... just a bad habit more than anything," Leonard continued quietly, not looking at the younger man beside him, " I am not proud of what I do, I don't do it to gloat. The places I stay are safe houses or underground places. That is why you have never been to my place, they are all criminals like me there."

  Len reached out then to the bedside table and pulled a wod of important looking papers from the draw there. "But you have made me think about this all. I have seen your life, home, learnt about your job. What a good person you are. I want the same. You don't deserve the burden of someone like me at the best of times."

  Leonard held out the papers for him and Barry took them and read the front. It was a contract for a night time security officer at Mercury labs. Barry stared at the papers for a long moment as relief filled him. They were genuine. Immediately he felt the tightness in his chest disappear, feeling instantly better. His hunch had been right but Len was changing. _He's changing for_ me, he thought.  

  Barry lent in and pressed a kiss against Len's lips. It was soft, gentle and comforting, both as a comforting/forgiving gesture for the older man and as a reassurance that things would work out for Barry. Leonard was a criminal but not for much longer. Len reached then for Barry's hand and when he did Barry accepted it, squeezing lightly.

"Barry, I think I love you," Leonard muttered as he lent back from the kiss, instead pulling Barry into a warm embrace.

The younger man beamed," I think I love you too Len."

  After that they just sat there for a long while in each others' arms as the sky slowly lightened.

  When Barry woke he was sprawled on the bed beside Len who was still fully clothed. He didn't remember falling asleep, all he remember was that he was so relieved that he hadn't made the mistake of loving Len. Because despite whatever he had been there was enough good to see the wrong and to change it. Maybe they were just meant to be, maybe they really were soulmates.


	4. Christmas

The streets of Central City were mercifully snow free as Barry made his way back form the West house. Still cold, the low temperature hitting him as soon as he stepped out of the door. His apartment was a few blocks away but he needed to walk of some of the huge portions of food that he had consumed and he was just in too good a mood to get a cab. So he decided to brave that cold, didn't matter when there was no snow to soak his clothes- which was many layers of clothing. Plus it was Christmas so there weren't that many cabs anyway. So yes, Barry was glad for the lack of snow at that moment in time. He walked along with Joe's rich chuckle  and the merry sound of Iris' laughter echoing in his head, he smiled to himself at the memory of the happiness that had overflowed the house that he had just left. Everything was good. So good.

  Barry was slightly apprehensive however as he made his way closer and closer to his apartment. Len was going to be there and he had wanted to introduce his sister and best friend to Barry. Barry's family still didn't know of Leonard Snart but now Barry understand why, that didn't however mean that the forensic scientist couldn't meet his boyfriend's loved ones. Even if they were criminals too, because hey- Barry hadn't had Len locked away, why would they be any different? What he'd do for love. Despite how slightly mortified the thought of meeting the people in Len's life made Barry feel, he wanted to do it for his boyfriend, he was trusting him with his life- something that Barry had learnt from being around him, was that it was a big thing, a big show of trust. That made him feel better, the thought that a guy how struggled to trust anyone had given him his trust. 

  Barry didn't care anymore that he was gay and what others might think. he didn't hide it from Joe and Iris because of that, it was because Len came form criminal backgrounds, so what could the people around him be like?

***

  Barry opened the door to the apartment and the quiet chatter that he had heard from outside died down. He made his way into his home, depositing his bag by the door and removing his jacket, stalling for just a little bit longer. Len stood up form where he had been sat on the sofa and offered Barry a reassuring smile and a quiet "hello". A pretty brunette and a shaved-bald, intimidating looking man looked up as Len stood. Barry just smiled nervously back. He could tell this was going to be terrifying. 

  Len came around the furniture and rapped an arm around his shoulders, walking him forward. The older man seemed both ecstatic and fearful at the same time.

"This is Barry," Len introduced," and Barry this is my sister, Lisa, and my good friend Mick Rory."

  Lisa stood gracefully and shook Barry's hand smiling with the same sly look that Leonard sometimes wore, she moved in the same way that his boyfriend did and it obvious that they had to be related. The man, Mick, stood more slowly than Lisa and it seemed to be an alien movement for him to grasp the forensic scientist's hand, shaking it roughly and pulling away quickly, his hands were callused and the skin hot- so Barry wasn't complaining about the . He was slightly taller than Len and he had an almost feral look to him, but at the same time a venerability.

***

  They sat comfortably with coffee in hand, a beer for Mick. Len was pressed up against Barry, despite the half a sofa of free room, Lisa sat on the other sofa and Mick crouched in the arm chair. Barry found that he liked Lisa, she had the same kind of confidence as her brother and a slyness that was always there as it had been beneath the surface when Barry had first come across Leonard- they were so alike and yet Lisa had a spark about her that was so individual, something that set her far from her older brother. Mick didn't say much, he nodded and grunted along to conversations but mostly just sat back and watched the interactions.

"So what kind of things are you into Mick?" Barry asked, trying to get the conversation flowing between them.

At the question, Mick Rory's face lit up and a smile spread slowly across his face.

"Fire," Mick said," it is beautiful, hypnotic and entrancing. It is powerful and elegant all at once."

  The glee with which he said it had Barry kind of worried and he glanced briefly at his boyfriend who gave him an apologetic smile. He squirmed a bit but felt confident enough that Len would prevent any mishaps. 

***

  After the two had left Len settled back down beside Barry on the sofa and Barry cuddled in. Len slung his arm over Barry's shoulder and they sat like that for a while in companionable silence as Barry reminisced about the day. About how lucky he was. He still couldn't quite get past the pride that Leonard trusted him, because in that respect he was much worse than Barry. And yet Leonard trusted Barry.

"What do you think of Mick and my sister?" Len asked after a while. The uncharacteristic apprehension that he had shown earlier that evening was gone, and Barry was glad, his boyfriend must have really been uptight to show that level and that kind of emotion.

"Well I can defiantly tell that Lisa is your sister," Barry started and hurried on as Len started to playfully protest," not through looks, I mean look at the head of hair she had," Barry chuckled earning a playful punch from Len.

"So why Mr.Allen?" Len pressed, smirking.

"The way that she was, the confidence, the slyness, even the way she held herself was similar to the way you do," Barry looked fondly up at the blue eyes above him, the eyes that were at that moment filled with fondness also.

"You do notice a lot of things," Leonard commented.

"It's my job and anyway it's hard not to with you, I mean look at you, "Barry laughed, earning himself a deep kiss from Len. The older man bent his head and pressed his lips to Barry's and the forensic scientist sat up slightly as Len's free hand went to stroking his jaw. Barry brought his hand up also and just held his boyfriend's face until they both needed to come up for air.

"So what about Mick?" Len asked looking appreciatively at Barry's flushed lips. The forensic scientist loved that the height difference between them was near nothing so that he could look into that face with ease and into those blue eyes.

Barry scrunched up his nose slightly at the thought of Mick Rory, which Len just thought was cute," he was... unnerving."

Len laughed lightly at that and nodded in agreement, "Mick isn't the brightest of the bunch, far from dumb, he just has a more detached and carefree outlook on the world, and he is a pyromaniac I will give you that."

"Thank you for sharing your family with me though. It meant a lot that you trust me enough," Barry said quietly.

"It's not just trust, it's love Barry. I don't know what it is with you, I've never felt this way about anyone- let alone feeling it so quickly. I just hope that you had a good Christmas," Len said tenderly making Barry practically glow. Leonard felt the same way as he did, felt that almost uncanny connection.

"I did. Merry Christmas Len," Barry said lying his head down onto the older man's solid chest listening to his heart, the heart that belonged to Barry now, and the rhythmic, soothing breathing. 


	5. The Passing of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter that fills in some of the time between chapter 4 and 6

The months passed quickly for Barry. He snatched at every moment with his boyfriend, and although the man tried to hide it, he had a strong feeling that Len was the same. Lisa had also become a big part of their shared life. She was like her brother in so many ways and yet so different in others. She was a lot more brash than Leonard and that was saying something. Often she would come over for meals or to watch something on Netflix with them. They would laugh and joke together, Barry and Lisa often teaming up to take the mickey out of Len. 

  Barry still hadn't told Joe or Iris about Leonard, even though they had now been dating for over six months, even if Len had turned his life around he still had a criminal record. It was one the downside to his relationship with the older man; he felt himself growing further and further away from Joe and Iris. 

  He tried to go to as many dinners at the West abode as possible and go to movie nights but for all his efforts he seemed to crave Len's company more and more and chose that over the only family he had that weren't behind bars. Barry hadn't told his boyfriend about his mother or the Man in Yellow, he didn't want to make Len think he was mad like the rest of the world did. The guy had obviously done his homework before dating though as he showed after a particularly vivid nightmare.

  Nightmares didn't seem to plague Barry much anymore, not with Len around. But when they came they came with vengeance. It was on one of the nights where Barry was reliving those nights that Len woke him up.

  The older man held his sweaty, shaking form securely in his arms. They were wrapped tight around him, shielding him from the world. Barry felt so safe and yet so scared at the same time, he didn't want Len to think there was anything wrong with him but even if he did the older man didn't seem to mind as he ran one hand through Barry's hair and pressed his lips to Barry's temple.

"Was it your mother?" he murmured next to Barry's ear.

"What?" Barry asked shakily, pulling back to look into his boyfriend's face," I never told you about her."

"No, but I looked. Met your dad once in jail- although that was before I knew you. If it's anything, I don't think that Henry could have killed your mother... I've been around killers and your dad... you dad just isn't one," Len told him, trying to pull Barry back to his chest.

"You don't think I'm mad?" Barry whispered, unable to get his voice out any louder.

  Leonard just shook his head and moved his hand down from Barry's hair to cup his cheek. Those blue eyes searched his face for a moment before a sad smile raised small crows feet around them.

"No, no I believe you. You wouldn't have any cause to lie about something like that," he said before leaning forward and pressed a chaste kiss against his lips.

***

  Iris sat opposite him with Joe at the head of the table, it was the formation that they had had ever since Barry had moved in with the Wests at the age of eleven. Except there was a slight touch more tension than when he was younger. Joe was smiling while trying, and failing, to get the conversation flowing as Iris sat there looking murderously down at her lasagna, Barry sitting awkwardly, absorbing all of the emotion that sat thick in the air.

  He knew full well why Iris was mad and he was sorry, sorry that he had missed yet another movie night, but he had his own life and she, as his best friend and someone who was basically his sister, should except that. Even if he couldn't tell her what his own life consisted of...

  In the end he spoke directly to her, putting his cutlery down slowly on his plate of almost untouched food, he had to try something," Hey, look I'm sorry about the movie night."

  Joe bit his lip and Iris looked up, she did not look forgiving." So, is there another reason this time Barry Allen?"

  Barry inwardly flinched at the venom in her voice before he carefully picked out and delivered his lie, "I am just very tiered at the moment Iris. With work and I just can't seem to sleep. I just don't feel up to it sometimes. Just need to go home to my bed."

  Iris and Joe both looked at him, Iris' face softened with concern and guilt ate at Barry's stomach. God he must love Len to lie like this. It hurt more than he could imagine and had to bite his tongue to stop himself from taking it back then and there. 

"Why didn't you just say?" Iris asked.

"Because I knew that you would look at me like that and I really don't need your concern. It's a phase, I'll get over it," Barry said, he almost hated himself for how smoothly the pre-planned and practiced lie slid from his mouth even as his heart jack-hammered.

***

  He caught the bus back to his apartment, he wanted to get back as fast as he could. Needed yo get back, away from the people that he was slowly pushing away. He needed to find the balance, needed to make decisions that could keep both sides of his world intact.

  Barry sat on the bus, forehead pressed against the cool glass as he savagely rubbed away a single tear. After all, what was he meant to do, it was only a matter of time before Joe and Iris would find out. Joe was a police _detective_ for goodness sake!

  All of those worries and terrifying prospects melted away however when he stepped through his door to see Len's head poking above the sofa. The older man's even breathing told Barry that he was sleeping, and so it was quietly that the forensic scientist walked over to him. He gently smoothed the short hair and placed and kiss on Len's temple. At that Len woke and Barry looked down smiling at the sleepy blue eyes. A smile curling on Len's lips in return as Barry lent down and kissed them.

  This was the reason he lied, Barry doubted his choice while he was away but as soon as he was with him, Leonard Snart, he was reminded of the reward, reminded just why he did it. And he still had Joe and Iris, he could still have them, love them, and love Len. His heart wasn't confined to just one or two people.


	6. Murderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last Barry thinks he will ever see of Snart

Barry kissed Leonard before he lent down to grab his jacket and bag. Len's hand snaked around his neck as he pulled away, not allowing him to escape too soon, pulling him back into the kiss. Barry felt the older man smile against his lips and he still couldn't believe that those lips or that smile were his. Still, even though they had been dating for over a year. He still felt like it was too good to be true.

"Hey tiger," Barry laughed, finally pulling away, "I really have got to get to work or Singh is going to fire me."

"Well see you later then," Len said pulling Barry into a quick hug before following him to the door and giving him a quick kiss in the doorway, watching the younger man take off. Late as ever.

***

  Barry sat on his desk chair swiveling slowly round. There had been something about Len that morning. He had been affectionate as always, yes, but he seemed almost sad or guilty. It had Barry worried. He had been too clingy and Barry had felt the older man's eyes follow him down the hall.

  Joe came in at that point, pulling Barry from his thoughts, something that he was so grateful for at that moment. Thankful to that he had managed to find the balance between the Wests and his boyfriend many months ago, soothing the tension. 

"Morning Bear," Joe smiled. He still had Joe, always Joe. "I think Singh wants you in his office, he is in a good mood today so you know, it may not be a bad thing, I just hope for your sake it is some cases." Joe chuckled and Barry's face cracked in a grin.

"Seriously Joe, me too," he huffed before lifting himself out of the chair and making his was down the stairs to the orderly bustle of the bull pit of the CCPD.

***

  When Barry gotten home Len wasn't there. That happened sometimes so Barry shouldn't be worried but with his boyfriend's behavior that morning he was. He hated how he felt but, despite the time that had passed, he was still the suspicious type. He still didn't fully trust Len, never had after he had found out his criminal life. He trusted him to never hurt him- never in a million years physically and their verbal scraps were so few and far between that any accusation thrown out in the moment never stuck for long. One of them would always wonder back with an apology and a make-up kiss.

 Nevertheless, he found himself taking out his phone, picking up the GPS signal on Len's phone. He didn't trust him fully in the respects that he would never go back to... illegal activities. Barry looked down at the dot showing him where Leonard was- he definitely hadn't gone to work.

  Barry called him then. Maybe there was some meetup with friends that Len had told him about and he had forgotten? When his boyfriend didn't pick he started to really wonder, Len always picked up. Either he was in trouble or he was getting himself into it.

  The forensic scientist was still staring at his phone as he hailed a cab. What was he doing? The answer was he didn't know. All he knew was that Len was in a warehouse miles from the place that he worked and hadn't picked up the phone. This couldn't be good.

***

  The taxi took him to the block before the warehouse, as Barry had requested, he didn't want to be caught up in this if what Len was doing was criminal. He threw the cabbie some dollar bills before clambering out of the door and strolling off, checking his phone one last time before tucking his hands into his pockets. Len was still at the warehouse.

  It took him less than five minutes to reach the warehouse district, walking along the dark streets with only the street lamps to guide him, every step he took echoing in the silence. The warehouse the GPS told him Len was in was set back a bit from the others, almost entirely dark with a single window shining with pale light- the only lit window in the entire district. 

  What are you doing Allen? he asked himself again looking up at that window. For a moment his resolve wavered. Len let him enjoy time with Joe and Iris, let him have a life outside of their relationship so shouldn't Barry do the same? But I do, Barry reminded himself, Lisa and Mick, Len had as much of a life as he had. This was... this was like he was going back to old habits- old habits that Barry needed him to avoid.

***

  Inside the warehouse Leonard Snart, Lisa Snart and Mick Rory were gathering up the guns and loading them into a soot-black van. Lisa was in trouble, so was Mick. They needed money and they needed protection, Len had to help his sister and the guns would do that.

  Little did Len know that they weren't the only ones in the warehouse, another shady trio were there, they considered it their turf, their place to stop. They were not happy about the intrusion.

***

  Barry stole into the warehouse, his heart pounding as he consciously crept through the murk. The door had been left slightly ajar, enough that he could slip through without moving it and making a racket.

  He came upon Len, Lisa and Mick just as they were attacked from behind by three masked men with guns and knives. Barry had only just stepped, unaware, into the open area and they had clocked him as they attacked; Barry had made himself a target. One separated from the other two brandishing a gun. Eyes gleamed maliciously under the black mask and for a moment Barry was frozen in fear, heart throwing itself against his ribs.

  Barry's assailant must have noticed his fear because he didn't fire, he just kept coming closer. His stance and the way he moved was filled with glee and Barry couldn't help but be reminded of a cat cornering a mouse. The scientist had a police detective for a foster father and had insisted on teaching him some basic hand to hand combat however, even if he wasn't very good- really, really not good-, but he knew the ideology of the moves and so Barry was able to whip out an open palmed hand and knock the gun out of the man's hand. It surprised him as much as it surprised the other man as the gun when skittering away across the concrete.

  The masked man gave an angry hiss but instead of going for the gun he reached into his jacket and pulled out a knife. The blade was dull in the gloom and yet it may well have shone as bright as the sun for its clarity in Barry's panicked gaze. The man lunched forward and Barry lept back but he crashed into a metal crate behind him and the blade sliced through his jacket, shirt and into his chest as momentum carried his assailant. The dug in deep, sliding down from just below his heart to his right hip.

  The pain took a minute or two to come and in that minute Barry only knew about the gash because of the blood. In that next minute Barry Allen was curtain he was going to die. It didn't help that fire was suddenly spreading through the building. That there were screams ringing in his ears.

***

  Leonard turned as soon as he heard the men. He saw the three running at them but then one broke off, he didn't see where he went and at that moment he didn't care. He quickly raised his gun and shot one man in the chest, guilt crushed him as he thought of what Barry would say.

  That guilt caused him to falter and the other man got in too close for him to properly fire. The guys were clearly reckless and idiotic, no one went on a head on charge at armed opponents, no one would continue to charge after one man was shot dead- especially when that one counted for a third of the overall number. 

  Instead of meeting his end by Leonard's gun, the man had the misfortune to run into Mick Rory. Mick shot him in the leg with a low chortle, there was a manic gleam in his eye and he snapped out a lighter. He touched it to the man's clothes as he struggled and soon they were burning. Mick then grabbed a can of gasoline from the back of the van and before Len could stop him he poured the contents over him. The small flame burst into an inferno and the man started to scream, writhing and running. The sickening smell of burning flesh filled the warehouse and the man thrashing about meant that soon the flames spread.

  It was then that Len looked over to see the third man, the third man and... Barry. His eyes widened, his heart stuttering in his chest before he forced his legs to move and he raced over to them. Flames were licking at the walls close to them, aided by the gasoline that Mick continued to splash around, the fire almost as close to the pair as the masked man's knife was to Barry's throat.

  Len shot twice without stopping to think, the bullets ripping through the masked man's back. The thief heard a cry behind him filled with both joy and pain, it was unmistakably Mick. Len couldn't concentrate on that at that moment  though as he ran to where the body of the man had fallen on his boyfriend. He felt Lisa at his side and he watched as Barry pushed the corpse off of him and looked at Len with betrayal and pain filling his green eyes.

  Len helped him up, his heart constricting at the accusatory glare. But now was not the time. It was then that he saw the blood soaking through Barry's shirt. Felt how heavy the younger man was in his arms and how he seemed incapable of holding up his full weight, hands gripping Len's biceps tightly.

***

  Barry stood there shaking, gripping the edge of the crate behind him until his knuckles were white. The knife at his throat was cold, contrasting with the burning of his wound. The metal already sticky with his blood even as the man put pressure on it until the skin beneath its edge broke. The scientist looked up in time to see Len point the gun and fire twice. The man before him gurgled and blood bubbled from the slit in the mask where his mouth was. Then he fell forward into Barry, lifeless. The pressure the blade left him but so did any strength that was holding him up. The weight of the body on top of him dragged him down as the masked man's blood joined Barry's own on his shirt.

 The body... Lifeless. Lifeless because of... because of Len. Len who had just shot him in cold blood. The guy felt like a sack of wet send on him, heavy on his throbbing chest, sapping the last of his energy. He pushed off the dead man and stared up at the guy's killer with such mixed emotions running through him. And God he felt light headed.

  His boyfriend lifted him up from where he had been knocked down. He pressed a hand to the gash, or what bit he could and let Len support him gripping onto his upper arms tightly as a wave of nausea hit him . 

  The fire was lighting the warehouse and it was so warm. Where had it come from? Smoke hung over their heads and an animistic call of pain and pleasure pierced the air. Barry looked around and saw Mick emerge from the flames, half of his side burned and a manic smile on his lips. The mangled remains of a human lay behind him and also another body that was still un-burnt, clothes just beginning to catch.

  Barry felt mildly ill at the sight but he let Len lead him to the van. Mick and Lisa got into the front while Len got in the back with Barry. There was a separator between the front seats and the back so Barry was left with Len in the artificial light as the doors slammed shut and the vehicle started to move.

  He felt so disorientated and so conflicted inside that he couldn't concentrate on movements of the van as it jostled his body so making it that Len had to help him sit on one of the benches in the back. He could see the sorrow and guilt on the older man's face as he beheld the blood that soaked through Barry's clothes. But was that guilt for his injuries? For the man (or men?) he had just killed? What about the stacks of guns lying around him?

***

  Barry woke in his bed feeling incredibly groggy. The injury inflicted by the knife the night before burned and the pain increased in intensity as Barry fully woke making him breathless for a second.

  He could vaguely remember the journey to the flat. Len sneaking him up the floors in the dead of night, trying not to be too suspicious- some feat while he was carrying a half conscious, blood soaked guy. The fire at the warehouse had probably been spotted by that point...

   He remembered Len dressing his wound, stitching it up and covering it in bandages and a thick, cold cream. He then remembered Len helping him undress and get him into bed under the sheets. Remembered Len looking too guilty to join him and instead taking the sofa. He remembered all of this in the haze of blood loss and pain.

  Barry slowly sat up then and swung his jogger-clad legs off of the bed. His shirtless chest was covered in expertly-wrapped bandages but there was still an ominous red stain where the blood had continued to leek through. His first thought as he looked down at it was that he would have to hide it, it and the pain. Joe, Iris, David Singh, no one could ever know. The thin red line across his neck might be less easy to hide.

  Slowly he left the bedroom, already practicing for the day ahead, masking any pain as he walked, trying not to wince and keeping his head down to hide his neck- thankfully the cut was relatively close to his chin.

  He saw Len was sat on the sofa, already dressed, with his head in his hands as he entered the living area. It didn't look as if he had slept, and he still had on the same clothes that he was wearing the night before. All of the muddled emotions from the previous night came leaping back at the sight of him and Barry felt the tears well behind his eyes.

  When he heard Barry, Len looked up. His beautiful blue eyes were so filled with worry and Barry felt his resolve falter. His resolve to send Leonard away... Should he? Yes. He couldn't... couldn't live with a be with a murderer.

"Barry-" Len started, coming towards Barry but the forensic scientist held up a shaky hand and the older man stopped in his tracks. At the simple gesture his face crumpled, he knew what Barry was going to say.

"You need to leave," Barry said quietly, Len opened his mouth but shut it. He lowered his head and Barry could see the wetness that was in his eyes also.

  For a moment Barry paused, gathering himself and  only continuing when Len looked up at him again. "You have to leave Len," he said more forcibly.

"Barry, I'm sorry," Len said quietly, almost a whisper.

"Len, you are a murderer. You were stealing or something, something not good. What did you want with all of those guns? How long has it been since you went back to be a criminal? How many people have you killed? Len... Leonard you are a murderer and I just can't... I can't be with- be with someone like that."

  The tears were running freely down Barry's face and Len looked close to tears himself. But it was Len, Len never cried. Not even now.

"This was the first time Barry. Lisa needed help, I needed to help her. I killed that man to save you!" Len exclaimed weakly.

"You didn't need to kill him, you could have just shot him in the leg or something. You killed him because that is who you are," Barry accused," now please Len, leave."

"Barry-"

"Len, if you love me, leave," Barry said desperately, gesturing at the door, his heart breaking.

  Len gave a shuddering breath before he said, "I do love you, I always will even if you stop loving me." It wasn't said to be spiteful, Len was the sort of person to do that to anyone but not to Barry. Anyhow, it was in his voice, he was just telling the truth, Barry knew him well enough to tell that much.

  Len took one last devastated look at Barry before he picked up his jacket and left without another word, quietly closing the door behind him.

"I don't think I will ever be able to stop loving you Leonard Snart," Barry said quietly after Len had left the apartment.

***

  Len came and collected his things two days later, not looking at Barry until he left the door for the last time. The glance he gave was sorrowful, as if he was savoring the sight of Barry, one last look. Barry looked back and for a moment their eyes met and Barry wanted to take it all back, but it was too late. Besides Len was a dangerous man. A murderer.

***

  Barry repeated the word in his mind for months afterwards. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Until that was all that he saw of Snart, until that was all the man was to him. Still deep down Barry knew that Len had only killed because he loved, not because he was a killer. He worked hard to bury that treacherous part of him so that it could never be reached again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are all enjoying this so far. It isn't the end, although it may sound like one. Really, these chapters have been a kind of prologue, set before Barry became the Flash.  
> I hoped to set the scene in the warehouse do that there was  
> A) a valid reason for the break up  
> B) to link in with the burns Mick Rory had and the bit Leonard Snart said about him messing up their last job.  
> Please comment if you have anything that you think could be improved! :)


	7. Unwanted Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This part now starts to follow the 2014 series season 1.  
> Set 2 years after the events in chapter 6.

Barry was the Steak. Barry Allen, forensic scientist, meta human and mystery hero of Central City...

  He had woken up from a nine month coma with abs and incredible speed. At first he had purely been freaked- come on, super speed! After a while though, well it wasn't actually that long, he started to see the benefits- which were more than just being able to save people. He still managed to be late for work, dinners with the Wests... and well everything. Although to his credit the time that people had to wait for him was less, and he wasn't late all of the time.

  Things were just crazy with it all. He was a metahuman who ran around the city in a red mask and suit and he was friends with _Oliver Queen_ who just happened to be the Arrow, a rich, dickish yet very hot guy who was _the vigilante of Star city_. Yes he was still excited- very excited about that- even if he had neglected to mention it to Iris because Oliver was the Arrow after all... so he refrained, which killed him. All in all things were great, everyone had been really pleased to have him back, Iris was dating Joe's partner and he was so pleased for her because he seemed like a really good guy. He was settling into this new... lifestyle? Whatever it could be called. Although there had been the initial questions about his scar...

  The blemish was thick and pale, stretching from just beneath his heart and curving round his body to his right hip. It was around two years old, made by a knife and it had been stitched shut by someone who had not been a professional. That was what Joe, Iris and the S.TA.R. labs team knew, of course that had raised questions. They all wanted to know the day after Barry woke, when they thought that he had had some time to recover. They hadn't seen it after he had gotten it, he had never told them about the warehouse, never told them about his relationship with a criminal that had lasted just over a year, and looking down the scar did look like something really bad had happened. Which in a way it had. Because of all that he hadn't known how to answer, he hadn't been able to give a plausible reason that wouldn't eventually lead to the truth, so he hadn't said anything. In the end they'd just given up pressing him...

  Given up after months and many disputes.

  But other than that life was great, impossible and crazy but great.

  Well everything _was_ great until one completely normal un-normal day when the past decided to throw something back into the present with full force.

***

  There was a robbery in progress. A Blackhawk Squad Protection Group truck. Barry raced in just in time to stop anything from being taken, being the Streak just as he had been for the past few weeks. Some easy in and out, chuck a few guys out of the way job- no metas involved.

  The truck was half in the air, held up by the hook of a tow truck, when he arrived. As he flashed through the scene Barry caught sight of four men, four men who had overpowered the driver and guard, all of whom seemed to be standing still with the speed at which he was moving- something he was still getting used to. He searched around quickly before pulling a man out of the back of the B.S.P.G. truck, momentum sending them tumbling over the tarmac. He was wearing something akin to a wet suit which had a canister of something that must have been nitrogen on his back judging by the condition of the truck door.

  As they came to a stop the man ripped off his mask and a glance back had Barry stop in his tracks. The guy with the nitrogen was non other than Leonard Snart.

  His pause was brief however because at that moment a gunshot rang out and Barry sped over to the already dead guard in a haze of emotion. Blood was pooling around the guard's  head by the time Barry reached him as sightless eyes stared up, it left Barry totally overwhelmed by the simultaneous events and so he just stood, glued to the spot as the potential robbers left in somewhat of a hurry. The robbers and his ex, he watched them go, too numb to move before he to sped off.

***

  Barry ran up to the two CCPD workers at normal speed, ducking under the police tape to where Joe and Captain David Singh knelt, "Sorry Captain, I was at the hospital visiting a friend" he lied, the two men didn't seem too bothered though. They were rather used to his tardiness and Joe knew full well where he had been anyway.

"There's nothing missing, it looks like someone interrupted the robbery," Singh stated without commenting on Barry's late arrival- like he said, they were used to it.

"The guard said there was three men," Joe told his boss.

"Actually there was four," Barry said before realising what he had said and hastily added," I mean, that's how many I would bring for a robbery of this nature. This was defiantly a four guy truck. A driver, two more to cover the guards, and somebody used liquid nitrogen to crack open this door... so four bad guys."

  He hopped onto the truck then and was glancing at the way the door had been frozen, at the jagged edges that were still almost painfully cold to touch. It was such a Leonard Snart thing to do, something that showed his affiliation with the cold in a very obvious way. Barry huffed, half so incredibly angry, half completely exasperated and at a loss. Leonard had done this. He was back to being a fully fledged criminal, probably had been for a while. Barry looked down, he had at least hoped the older would make good of his life after the break up. He had seemed so guilt ridden in the moment,  and deep, deep down Barry had had enough faith in the guy to thing he would change, so that he didn't have that guilt anymore. He had been wrong about his ex... again.

***

  Barry showed Joe Snart's picture later after Joe asked for any info on the attempted robbery. He talked about Leonard like he didn't know him, of course Joe didn't know otherwise, and it both hurt him to do so and at the same time gave him a savage sense of pleasure. Barry had long ago convinced himself of what Leonard Snart was, that he was a criminal when they had met and that apparently would never change. Today had only confirmed it for him proving to be a bitter-sweet victory.

  There was the Snart thing and on top of that, Joe was giving Iris the cold shoulder, which Barry witnessed first hand when they were back at the C.C.P.D. building and he saw the hurt on both their faces as they crossed paths, Iris with coffee in hand. Barry couldn't blame Joe though. Iris had been dating his partner and kept it from him, although he long since figured it out. At the same time, Barry couldn't help but feel guilty as he had known but he hadn't told Joe. Much as he was keeping secrets from Iris. But he was even worse, Eddie and Iris had been dating for just over six months, Barry had kept, was keeping, secret a relationship that had lasted double that time.

  He tried to keep his thoughts in check as he and Iris joined up and walked back towards his lab. It was then she said something about starting a blog on the Streak causing him to skip a beat. That didn't bode well. Really didn't bode well, it could only attract trouble form his potential enemies...

  Just when he thought the day couldn't get any more chaotic they entered the lab to find Felicity Smoak standing there. He was so pleased to see her, they had really struck a bond back in Star and he missed her more than he realised before seeing her in that moment. After a warm hug, and an acknowledgment that the computer geek and barista knew each other, Felicity was there agreeing with Barry about the nutters on the web. She was her usual bubbly self, very interested in the lightning, which was a sore topic in front of Iris, but Barry was too pleased to see her to really complain.

***

  Barry brought Felicity to S.T.A.R. labs and had given away the fact that she worked with the Arrow without thinking. Smooth. Barry thought that she'd forgive him making up for it as he showed her his speed earlier, running to the top of building as they walked through the park and taking a picture of her on his phone. Which was just awesome to see the look on her face.

  Later they had a great time later on at a trivia evening at Jitters, they smashed the competition, it was a really good way to just wind down. Iris, however, seemed to be determined to get them together, hinting and openly asking questions which gave the whole thing a more than a little awkwardness. Barry told his best friend that he in fact only liked Felicity as a friend and he was half convinced Oliver would kill him if he touched her anyway- although he didn't mention it. The evening just proved to be a great distraction from Len.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments? I know I followed episode 4 "Going Rouge" for most of the chapter. Just hope you liked it. I will be continuing with more of this episode for the next chapter, more Leonard Snart involved.


	8. Hurt at being Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part to Unwanted Reunion, still following season 1 episode 4 "Going Rouge".

Barry still didn't quite know how Iris managed to talk him into the quiz night. Maybe because he was so distracted that he had subconsciously allowed for a way to relax. All he knew was that Iris was looking to hook him and Felicity up, he just didn't like the IT genius like that. Don't get him wrong, he thought that Felicity was an outstanding human being, beautiful, clever, witty and so kind and caring. A gift. But he just couldn't imagine any future with her. Besides, Oliver would probably try and kill him. Barry was after all a forensic scientist, he was used to looking at the clues and there were al lot of clues that pointed towards the chemistry between the vigilante and witty support- obvious even for the short time he had spent in the presence of them both. Oliver Queen liked Felicity Smoak and Felicity Smoak liked Oliver Queen. Though neither knew how the other felt- because, even though Oliver was a very bright individual, he was most definitely and completely emotionally constipated.

  Even though he knew Iris' angle he came along for the fun, for the distraction. When Felicity stepped through the coffee shop door that evening Barry and everyone else there was shown just how beautiful she was- Oliver was a lucky guy if he ever got his head out of his backside. The blond had left behind her usual attire completely, glasses and all. Her hair cascaded down over her shoulder in a rather fetching twist and her short black dress clung to her very feminine figure. All three, Barry, Iris and Eddie, couldn't help be stop and stare for a moment as she entered.

***

  They were doing so well, for Felicity and Barry it was easy. Iris and Eddie were just staring incredulously at them, which made it hard for Barry not to laugh. This was a breeze, this was something that he enjoyed. He could feel the bond between him and the woman next to him as they worked in sync to thrash everyone else in the shop. He was having such a great time any thought of Leonard Snart had left his mind, until the man himself was spotted by the CCPD.

"Okay, I'll cover you," Felicity said as Barry hastily got up and pulled on his jacket, bitterness cracking through to show in his features.

 _A bitterness you shouldn't feel if you didn't know this guy so buckle down Allen!_ He told himself sternly as he made a quick exit.

***

  Barry raced into the Central City Museum just as Snart pointed some kind of weapon at Joe, finger on the trigger. He pushed his foster dad out of the way and got hit full on as the finger squeezed and a jet of what had to be a nitrogen based something erupted from the end of the ungainly gun. The blast was painful, hitting him full in on his side- so, so painful.

"You okay?" Joe asked panting slightly from behind the pillar Barry had put him.

  Barry gasped and clutched at his side," It burns," he managed to get out. 

  The side that had been hit burned and itched, the skin felt stretched- especially around the scar.

  He gathered his wits and raced out from behind the pillar he was slumped on just as Leonard fired his weapon.

"Time for a test run," Leonard announced, smiling. The familiar drawl made Barry pause for only the briefest moment, it was the first time in two years that he had heard his ex's voice. "Lets see how fast you are!"

  Then, to Barry's horror, he started shooting the gun at random fleeing citizens. He rushed about grabbing them, the pain in his side was slowing him and he couldn't help the panic that was slowly rising in his chest. What if he kept getting slower? He slumped against the side of another pillar, energy quickly leaving his body. That little bit of exertion had _hurt_.

At that moment, Snart turned and saw a man in the walkway between rows of seats and pulled the trigger without a seconds pause. Barry was up in the second, adrenaline fueling him along with the desperate need to get to that man. He pumped his legs as fast as he could, racing against the stream of ice... but he wasn't fast enough.

"No!" he yelled as the cold hit the man full on. Barry skidded to a halt next to the frozen figure on the ground. Ice covered the man's face and body, which was twisted and stiff. "No, no." Lifeless. Because of _him_. Snart. _Murderer_.

  Leonard Snart may have killed for him in the past, done it -as he claimed- to save Barry but now... now, just then- just then he had killed for fun. God, it hurt to be right. Until that moment the speedster had had no idea just how much he wanted to be wrong about the man he had once loved.

***

  Only a few minutes later Barry was sat on the examination table at S.T.A.R. labs holding up his shirt as Caitlin examined his side. A side that was black with still healing frost bite- if he didn't have super-healing then that hit would have caused him a hell of a lot of damage.

"It's still numb," Barry told his friend.

"Yes, and it's still presenting itself as third degree frostbite," Caitlin added. Her fingers absently skimming over the mysterious scar tissue, Barry instinctively cringing away from the touch.

"I thought he had hyper healing," Felicity said looking over, her brows knitted, glancing at the same scar Caitlin had just touched.

"It's been slowed. If your cells weren't regenerating at the rate they are, your blood vessels would have frozen solid and the nerve damage would have been permanent," Caitlin told Barry walking around the table to show him a complicated scan," You are lucky to be alive."

"Snart wasn't another meta-human. He has some kind of gun. It froze things, slowed me down," Barry said, pulling his t-shirt over his head and grabbing his jacket. Then he couldn't help but add," Enough that I wasn't in time to save someone." It weighed on him too much. Especially because it was _Len_ that had caused him to be too slow, too slow so that _Len_ could kill an innocent man in cold blood.

"According to his record, Snart didn't even bother to finish high school, so how did he build a handheld high tech snow machine?" Felicity asked out loud.

Dr. Wells was looking at his hands when he said," S.T.A.R. labs built the cold gun," there was something about the way he said it... but it wasn't shame only disappointment in his voice.

Cisco stepped forward then," Dr.Wells and Caitlin had nothing to do with this," he rushed,"I built the gun."

Barry didn't know what to say, and didn't for a long moment. He was shocked, he felt betrayed. Cisco had enabled all of this. And why was Cisco building _weapons_ anyway? In the end all he said was," You did? Why?"

Cisco rushed forward with an explanation, desperate it seemed to explain, to make things better," Because speed and cold are opposites.Temperature is measured by how quickly the atoms of something are oscillating.The faster they are, the hotter it is, and when then are cold, they're slower on the atomic level.  
When there's no movement at all, it's called-"

"Absolute zero," Barry finished. He knew then that the gun was designed for  _him_ , to _stop_ him, made by his _friend_. He felt all of the guilt mount up in him all over again, first Len and now Cisco. That man had died because Cisco had built a gun to stop _him_ and because Leonard had been using it to test _his_ speed.

"Yeah, I designed a compact cryo engine to achieve absolute zero," he said, sadness in his eyes," I built it to stop you."

  Barry knew that he was showing the betrayal he felt could tell that it was showing on his face by the expression on Cisco's, he couldn't help it. Barry was on the verge of tears, he could feel the heat in his face and he couldn't bare to look at the man before him. His friend didn't trust him.

"I didn't know who you were then, Barry," Cisco hastened to add. More emotion crept into his voice as he said the next bit, he was pleading, "I mean, what if you turned out to be some psycho, like Mardon or Nimbus?"

Barry snapped then. This was _all_ Cisco's fault.

"But I didn't did I?" he practically shouted.

  Caitlin stepped forward to defend her friend and Barry felt a flare of anger towards her, she was standing up for him after he had done _this_!

" We built the entire structure you're standing in to do good, and it blew up. In the wake of that, you can understand why Cisco would want to be prepared for the worst."

"I can understand that, but what I can't understand is why you didn't tell me what you did. I mean, after all we've been through, I thought you trusted me!- I thought we were friends!" Barry hadn't felt so conflicted since the night of the warehouse fire or the days that followed, he had thought he had learnt his lesson in trusting people that shouldn't be trusted. He had thought that these people were people that could be trusted. He had been _sure_. But they didn't trust him, they were willing to hurt him. In a way that was worse than being close to Snart- at least Barry had no fear that the older man would hurt _him_. His hand absently balled into a fist pushing at where the old knife wound started on his chest, quickly stopping when he realised what he was doing.

Cisco took a step towards him, " We are Barry," he said but Barry barley let him finish.

"I mean, if you would have just told me, I could have been prepared. But instead, someone died tonight!"

"And I have to live with that," Cisco said, his voice thick with sorrow.

"No, no we _all_ do Cisco," Barry said, it was almost a snarl," You have no idea what Leonard Snart is capable of!"

  With that he sped away, shaking. Non of them had any ideas at what Len was capable of, non but him. And so he was scared for the city that Leonard had such a weapon, and it was on Cisco. But it was on him too. He shouldn't trust so easily.

***

  The next day Barry came back to S.T.A.R. labs, because they _had_ to stop Leonard despite how much he didn't want to be around Cisco at that point in time. Caitlin, Felicity and Dr.Wells were already  there when he entered but he didn't greet any of them, looking at anything but them.

"What did you mean yesterday Mr. Allen?" Dr. Wells said suddenly.

"Mean about what?" Barry said, turning to face the three and sitting on the examination table. He thought he knew what Wells meant, the guy was a genius, he would have picked up on the comment that had escaped his lips even if no one else did in the heat of the moment. Might as well play innocent for the moment though.

"About not knowing the capabilities of Leonard Snart," Wells clarified.

"Nothing," Barry said, perhaps a bit too quickly. Damn he was right, Wells picked up on _everything_.

"We have a log of everything that he's done Barry, we know all of the lengths he has gone to in the past," Felicity told him.

"Yep," Barry said dismissively like that sorted the problem, he went to get up, to maybe move to another room until this blew over but  Wells spoke up again.

"You don't seem sure Mr Allen," the Dr said," Have you by any chance had any run-ins with this Snart character before?"

  Barry couldn't help but look up at the last bit, his heart rate slightly accelerated." No, I haven't."

  Caitlin furrowed her brow slightly but said nothing, Dr. Wells on the other hand professed his feelings," I do not think that you are telling the truth Mr Allen."

"I don't tend to keep unnecessary secrets Dr. Wells, I have enough that I have no choice to keep. Why would I create any more?" Barry said, a slight coldness entering his voice. Which was stupid- now they _had_ to know he was lying.

  He was saved by Cisco of all people. The guy came in announcing that he had found a way to track Snart, stopping the conversation in its tracks as more pressing matters arose.

***

  When Barry confronted Snart on the train later that day he was just proved right about Snart again. His destruction of the train, the lives that he so carelessly risked, it was all just to play with Barry. It didn't seem like the man he had once known. Maybe that had been all a facade, perhaps Barry had been living a lie for a year of his life. His Len could never be so cold, he was a thief not a murderer. This was _not_ the guy he had known.

 Those thoughts spiraled in his mind making it hard to concentrate even as they sniped at each other- something they had once found great joy in- with Barry carefully vibrating his voice. The thoughts made it so that when Snart froze his torso with the cold gun he was hurting as much emotionally as he was physically. It was anger that he felt, that made his entire being ache, at himself and at Leonard Snart. How could he ever have loved such a monster?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I am following the episode so much, I know that that can be a bit dull, but I plan to twist the plot of the episodes in future chapters. Following only the ones with Leonard Snart in obviously!  
> Hope you are enjoying it.


	9. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that the Man in Yellow has come back to haunt him and Leonard Snart is back in town with his pyromaniac friend Barry doesn't know what to do.

Barry didn't know what to do, he felt that life was pilling too much on him at once. He felt like he was being crushed. It seemed impossible that only a few weeks before he had been on top of the world- figuratively. Now there was the lies to Iris, who had gone ahead and started her blog despite the disapproval from both Barry and Joe, there was the shadow of the past that loomed over Barry following Leonard's reappearance a whole month ago and now work seemed to be too much, the added pressure from the Captain being the last thing her needed. 

  He had never known where Len had gone after the break up, hadn't wanted to know. Now he knew that the guy was in Central, now he knew that he was there and there just to cause trouble. Thoughts of how to stop him, how to get him away clouded Barry's thoughts for an unhealthy amount of time. He needed to get away from them, they distracted him, they made it harder for him to live his life- both of them. So he had kissed Felicity. On the train as she had left they had kiss, but there was nothing there and they had both known it, she was pinning after Oliver and Barry just didn't feel that way.

  Now there was the Man in Yellow, just to add to the list. His mother's killer had returned to the city, the man that no one had believed existed about for years and years- the thing that everyone thought Barry had created as a way to get around having his dad murder his mum. The Man in Yellow was the reason that he had had to grow up with Joe and Iris, much as he loved them, not his own family. He was the reason that people had looked at Barry as if they were looking at someone mentally ill, the reason that boys had snickered in the school corridors, had made his life hell as the "son of a wife killer". That man, another speedster, had taken both of his parents from him. One dead, one behind bars with nothing, reputation shredded, goodness muddied.

  Then Len had returned, he had been alone last time but it was only a matter of time before Lisa or Mick Rory came into the picture... There would be no chance that they wouldn't. Maybe if Lisa came Barry could talk to her as the Flash- she had always been the most reasonable but Mick...Mick Rory had always creeped Barry out. He didn't like the idea of meeting up with him again.

***

  Barry knew straight away when Leonard was back in town. There was a break-in at a garage with millions of dollars worth of European cars stored within. The door had been frozen and shattered, yet nothing had been stolen. Not one of the ridiculously priced vehicles had gone missing. Leonard Snart was reaching above and beyond, he had tried to trap the Flash himself. But Barry hadn't come, that worried him, he knew Len well, the man would get more and more extreme in an attempt to get what he wanted. After the display he gave last time he was seen in Central Barry had no doubt that people could and most likely would get hurt in Snart's endeavor. Leonard Snart was a monster.

  But there it was... he had come for the Flash. He had wanted Barry even if he didn't know it. For a split second Barry felt that strong bond they'd had stretching out to whatever distance would find the other, the bond that he used to feel when he would lay his head against Len's chest as they sat or lay together in the morning, after Barry had come back from work or in the middle of the night when one had been pulled from a dark dream. When he could hear the beat of his ex-partners heart. But the thoughts, the bond only held him for a second before he angrily brushed them off.

   These mixed emotions soon began to show outwardly, in the way he interacted with people, the way he would zone out, how he would scowl at nothing, which only made the speedster resent his ex more than ever. _It's not his fault that you still like him_ , a little voice said in the back of his mind. It was a very unexpected voice and Barry thought over what it had said long and hard for hours afterwards, turning the words over and over. All of the years that he had either spent convincing himself that the man was a treacherous murderer and a thief. It had worked. Barry had hated Leonard Snart. _It had to have worked._

  It was the show of emotion that crawled through the facade he so painstakingly tried to uphold which made up Barry's mind about Iris. He had always liked her, thought of her as something unique and so incredibly special. When he was younger he thought that this love was the romantic kind but as he grew he found out what that kind of love really felt like he had quickly realised that that was not what he felt for her. She was his sister and she was his best friend, she was not anyone he would consider as a lover. He soon found that his attraction to his own sex was as strong if not more than that towards the opposite, the lure of homosexuality overriding the natural need to procreate. He had tried to pretend to take an interest in Iris again after Len. He had always tried to be careful, only leave clues for the people like Joe who was a professional detective, who would pick up on them but not see the deliberate planning behind their presence. It had worked, people thought that he was besotted, and straight. Which made it _so_ much easier to hide the biggest mistake of his life.

  Now with Snart's return Barry was seeing things differently, differently about how things had ended, despite how very hard he tried otherwise. Len had killed that man to save his life, killed another to save his sister. He had been in the warehouse in the first place to help his sister. All Len had wanted to do was help. All he did proved the goodness in him. He had just gone about it in the only way he knew, the only way that was reasonable for a man who had been brought up as he had with an abusive, corrupt cop for a dad.  

  But that still didn't excuse what he had done since his return to the city. There was no excuse for that. There was no excuse for how he had made Barry's heart melt with just that sly smile, the smooth drawl. It was inexcusable that Barry's protective walls, so laboriously built, had crumbled so easily.

  Then Barry came forward and said it, sick at the thought of anyone else getting hurt because of him. He was meant to be the hero after all so he announced, " If Snart wants a fight with the Flash, then I'll give him one."

   Dr Wells gave him a curious look at that moment, watching him for a second before making his observations known, " You seem to be taking this very personally Mr Allen."

"What do you mean?" Barry said as he purposefully kept all emotion out of his features, something that he was surprisingly good at after his mother's murder, improved on still as more secrets layered themselves into his life.

"To quote "You have no idea what Snart is capable of", you have been distracted recently and you were after Leonard Snart's original appearance in the city as well. So I ask you Mr Allen, did you know Snart before he stole the gun?"

"No," the speedster said it with such conviction that he almost believed it himself, managing to put on a air of slight confusion. It impressed even him, he really had gotten good at lying.

  Wells nodded in acknowledgment to the answer, looking as if he doubted it but, much to Barry's relief, leaving the matter alone. Joe, who was standing with his back against the cortex wall, looked curiously between the professor and his surrogate son, almost as if he could sense Wells' doubts. Barry, keeping his mask in place, shook his head and smiled disbelievingly, he had been too obvious. He hoped that his false confession to Iris would at least turn their thoughts away from the truth at least.

***

  It was later that day that found Barry sitting on the edge of his bed in Joe's house with his head in his hands. He had made Dr Wells suspicious, the man was a genius and so he was the last person that he had wanted to react in such a way. He couldn't believe that he had been so stupid. He had been ruled by his fear. He had let it get the better of him.

  It was this fear that that irritating voice commented on. That kind of voice that everyone had and everyone hated because it said the things that were already known but deep down, hidden that way because they were unwanted thoughts.The truths that hurt. Those were the truths that that kind of voice uttered. Making it so that it was impossible to forget. It told Barry that he wasn't afraid of Leonard because he could hurt people, no he was afraid for a more selfish reason; he was scared of the temptation. Both he and the voice knew that he was terrified of Mick Rory for his destructive nature though- but that was besides the point. Barry knew that the man was unstable and the speedster had never been more afraid of a single human being. He knew that that was most likely because of the events that transpired when he had been a weak, insignificant nerdy scientist. Yet it was Leonard Snart that the fear revolved around. 

  Whatever the reasons for his fear, however selfish, however guilt-inspiring, he knew that he couldn't be so rash again. He couldn't fight Len, that would only increase the temptation. He knew what he must do.

***

  He entered the precinct and found Eddie and Iris at the detective's desk. There was the awkward moment when he first entered where the two were locked at the mouth and he just circled with his hands thrust deep in his pocket. He wasn't entirely sure why it was awkward, perhaps it was the life long friendship he had with Iris, maybe it was the false love that he was projecting or maybe it was simply the fact that he had walked in on two people kissing. If he was perfectly honest with himself, he would prefer to be kissing Eddie than Iris, he had found himself to be more inclined that way recently and Eddie was good looking to say the least. The muscular pecs and abs of a male appealed to him so much more than the soft female curves these days. He had to stop that train of thought quickly as the muscled male body that stuck in his minds eye was that of non other than Leonard Snart. Anyhow, he asked for Joe, when they had stopped the... public make out session. He was told that Joe was in Barry's lab and so that is where Barry went. Time to dissuade his surrogate parent of his having any relation to Snart.

  Joe looked completely confused when Barry told him he was going to concentrate on his speed, on stopping his mother's killer rather than Snart.

"Your mum's killer isn't the only reason you've been doing this," Joe said," you told me that if you could use your powers to save someone from a burning building then you would."

  Then he had gone on to say that Barry was scared. For the briefest moment Barry's heart stuttered, it was the truth. Part that he had wanted to hide. However he didn't let the hesitation show instead telling Joe that yes he was scared, he didn't want Snart to hurt the ones he loved or anyone else. He left out the truth because lies slid off of his tongue to easily. With that last little lie he turned and left.

***

  Things were tense at home with Iris moving out, and subsequently causing mixed emotions for Joe, and the tension between Iris and himself following his false confession. He often wondered if the confession was worth it, he had alienated his best friend. He hadn't looked at her in that way since he had been too young to know what love was. He had let another lie slip between himself and the Wests.

  Yet Barry still couldn't stop himself from thinking about his ex. The brilliant blue eyes and sweet sarky smile. The more he thought, and he seemed to only be able to think about it, the more he could only think of the positives. The monster he saw Snart as was turning back into the beauty of a human he once knew. Barry hated himself for it. Hated himself so, so much. 

  Barry's pinning certainly wasn't helped by Caitlin's and her persistent searching for FIRESTORM. Because he wasn't the only one, her conviction only increased his own anxiety. At least with Caitlin, her fiance wasn't a cold hearted killer. 

***

  It wasn't long after that a $25 million painting called Fire & Ice had been stolen by none other than Snart. He had been confronted by the police and their new riot shields and escaped but when Barry had heard this he had had to stifle an unexpected smile. The painting was just the type of thing that Len always liked and it brought memories unbidden to the front of his mind. They were memories of the many times that they had visited art galleries across the cities and how Len had shown Barry his favorite piece at each, explaining its history and the history of the artist. He hated the way that it filled him with warmth. Especially as he felt almost relieved when he hear Snart had gotten away.

  That smile had quickly disappeared however when he had been told of the man Len was with, a man with a fire gun. Leonard had teamed up again with Mick Rory. Inevitable as it was, Barry had hoped that maybe the two would keep to their separate paths for a while longer. The thought frightened Barry irrationally and he had to remind himself that he wasn't the weak, helpless nerd anymore, Mick and his fire couldn't catch him. But that didn't mean that the fire couldn't catch anyone else, take the life of the innocent. Especially now if the reports were true and Rory had a gun to match the power of Snart's. It was bad, really bad.

  The two police officers sent to the burnt unit after the events with the painting broke Barry's resolve to stay out of the fight. Mick was hurting people. Snart wouldn't, and often couldn't, keep his companion under control- the warehouse fire a perfect example of that. He was going to do as Joe said, he was going to make Mick and Snart pay for ever messing with him. Because despite his delusions, Leonard Snart _was_ a monster.

  Then he kidnapped Caitlin. As if to prove his point.

***

  Her car door was frozen shut, and yet the night was reasonably warm and so there was no chance that Snart wasn't involved. And if Snart was involved then so would Mick be. Barry felt like crying. If he had had any doubts about fighting his former lover then they were banished in the moment he set eyes on the S.T.A.R. labs scientist's abandoned little car.

"We have to find Snart," Barry said to Joe, rage clouding his vision.

"Damn right we do," was the reply.

***

  As they returned to the precinct Eddie came running down the stairs towards them a file flapping in his hands, face serious.

"We got a hit. A second pair of prints," Eddie said, short and sharp, typically police detective,  "they belong to a Mick Rory."

"But who is he?" Barry questioned, feigning ignorance. The less he seemed to know about Snart and his cronies the better everything would play out for him.

"A big time arsonist, he and Snart worked a job a few years back but it went bad," Eddie told him. Bad, Barry thought, was the world's biggest understatement.

  At that moment the Captain strode into the bull's pen, he called for attention, the officers present immediately falling silent, before switching on the television that hung above them all.

"Greetings citizens of Central City, I am Leonard Snart but you can call me Cold," the familiar voice drawled, the face close to the camera. It drew Barry's attention despite the view of Caitlin's struggling form in the background. Filling up his whole world with whirling doubt, sadness and hatred.

"I'm going to make this very simple for everyone," Snart continued," that red steak that you've been hearing whispers about, the one mysteriously saving people these past few months, well surprise; he's real. Calls himself the Flash. Porter and Mane tonight, sundown. Come out come out wherever you are Flash. Show the whole world you're real- or this woman dies."

"No don't come for me, stay away! He'll hurt you!" Caitlin cried as she was dragged away by non other than Mick Rory. Then the feed went blank.

  For a moment Barry stared at the black screen of the television. No one spoke for what seemed like an eternity before the room exploded into action. Joe reached up and squeezed his shoulder, breaking Barry's gaze. There was no chance that Barry could back down from the fight now, not when it would mean Caitlin's death. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah that was a long chapter, not really sure what happened just continued to write. Also I am very sorry for the long delay I have had exams and the internet where I live isn't the best. Sorry for the excuses and I hope to knuckle down and finish this story.


	10. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End of episode 10 when the Flash fought Leonard Snart and Mick Rory.

His heart was racing, beating against his ribs way faster than was normal even for him as he sped down the city streets. He swerved in and out of traffic, moving faster than he had ever gone before as determination and fear mingled in his mind, racing along until he reached Porter and Mane. The police had already tapped off the area by the time he arrived, they and their vehicles blocking off one end of the road, an evacuation perimeter set up in anticipation of the fight to come. The Flash raced past them as they stood, tensely pacing or whispering to each other, eyes never leaving the road ahead for long. As Barry passed the wind his speed created blew back their hair and jackets, snapping the police tape as he ran through it at several hundred miles and hour. He came to a halt then, breathing heavily with a mix of exertion and adrenaline, turning to the gaping Captain and Eddie who stood behind the broken tap, clothes and hair ruffled by the speedster's passing. That was the moment before Snart made his presence known.

"The scarlet speedster. Any preference on how you'd like to die? The flame or the frost?" The man half shouted as he and his partner advanced towards where Barry stood.

    Barry felt himself snarl as he looked on at the older man, wrapped in his over sized blue parka, holding the gun with both hands. That self satisfied smirk was in place as if he had done a great thing, not just kidnapped an innocent woman. Barry could almost fell his old scar itch just looking at the face and the face of Mick Rory. The man was in what looked to be an old fireman's uniform, a strange gun of his own cradled in his hands, bald head gleaming in the light from surrounding sources.

"Not in the mood for chitchat, got it. Ready when you are," Snart said in that oh-so cocky way of his when Barry kept his mouth shut.

  "Captain Cold" raised his gun and Barry couldn't help but stare. Both the cold and heat guns were pointed directly at him, the motors whirling and the ends glowing blue and orange respectively. It was anger that Barry felt in that moment as he beheld the two. He had heard the disdain and hate in Leonard's voice only a moment before, that disdain and hate directed at him.

  The speedster took a deep breath, feeling the lightning building inside of him as he prepared himself, churning with all his fears and doubts.

  In a split second he was running straight through the pair of them, sending them slightly off balance as they automatically aimed their guns and fired. He could feel the heat and the cold clashing in the air behind him. It was as Cisco had said before he left; cross the beams and the guns would cancel each other out. That was what he had to do.

  Barry ran back at them and around again, the massive amounts of adrenaline fizzling in his veins driving him on. It was then that Snart, sneaky, sly Snart, aimed his gun at something other than the Flash. He froze the fire hydrant in the Flash's path, the pressure as the water froze and expanded split the metal, releasing all of the unfrozen water only for it to freeze midair. This ice pillar stood directly in front of Barry moments before he reached it, unavoidable at the speed he was travelling. The speedster yelled as he collided with it, momentum carrying him through the ice in a spray of broken crystals. He flew forwards as the impact threw him off course, skiding over the tarmac of the road only to crawl behind a nearby car as cover. Barry clutched at his chest to rub away some of the cold that resided there at the contact with the subzero ice. The scar that ran across his body ached, from the cold or the irony he didn't know which, didn't care much at that moment. He had got the scar just before Leonard had saved him, and now the same guy was trying to kill him. Only one more reason to finally put the villain behind bars.

"Barry, Barry are you okay," Well's voice sounded in his ear at that moment," you know what you have to do."

"Yeah," was the speedster's reply after a second to catch his breath," get them to cross their beams and cancel out their guns, I know."

  It was at that moment that Leonard yelled for his comrade. Mick Rory then concentrated his gun on the car behind which Barry was crouched. The Flash felt the heat as a warning and the vehicle exploded but a second after Barry ran out from behind it. He came to a halt further down the road, further away from his opponents, touching his hand to the coms he continued to Wells," not as easy as it sounds!"

  His anger and frustration was slowly but surly being taken over by fear. Time for a new tactic. He began to run up the sides of the buildings lining the roads. The two men below shot up at his scorching and freezing the glass at the speedster's feet. And yet still their beams wouldn't cross. With every second that passed Barry was getting more and more flustered, he couldn't look at the ground, at Leonard, because every time he did all he saw was the good times that they had spent together and that hurt more than any other injury possible. He just concentrated on running, on maintaining enough speed to defy gravity.

  It was this distraction that caused the beams to clip him, knocking him from the buildings and, before he could recover, the cold gun's blast hit him full in the chest, sending him flying from his feet. For a moment he blanked out with the pain but when his sight came back he was face to face with the two men grinning like boys that had caught a rat. Barry thought that that would be the last sight to ever greet him. Was sure of it as he weakly rolled over and tried to pull himself up, the pain from the gun making him breathless. Then Eddie was there. Out of nowhere he came with one of Cisco's riot shields raised to protect them both from the raging flames and ice. The metal slamming down on the road as he dove in place, crouching in front of Barry.

  After the initial shock at the unexpected rescue, Barry grabbed Eddie and tripped at high speeds over to the side of the road. Before the Rouges or the police detective could blink, the Flash was back standing in the middle of the road. He put a hand to the coms at his hear and while panting and trying to get his breath through a mixture of pain and exertion said," I can't get them to cross streams. Speed isn't getting it done."

  He could see Len and Mick standing at the ready on the road in front as he listened to his mentors voice through the coms, ready to spring back into action at the slightest twitch of a finger on a trigger,"Your right, maybe the way to do this isn't by going faster."

"Going slower?"

"Yes," came the reply.

"Okay," Barry huffed getting ready and steeling himself for the undoubted pain to come. Slower it was.

  As he half ran half walked towards them, he heard it," thanks for playing kid," the drawl from his ex. It made his blood boil but he stopped himself from reacting, instead focusing on crossing the beams.

  Said beams hit him full on, both ice and fire clawing at his body as he neared. The Flash yelled as the pain ripped through him, both extremes working at destroying his flesh but he powered on, he kept moving until the beams from the two weapons crossed and the two men holding them were thrown backwards in a flash of light, heat and extreme cold. Snart recovered first, rolling over and crawling towards his cold gun when Barry calmly stepped on it. The man rolled over again and laughed breathlessly as Barry snarled down at him.

"I didn't see that one coming, I guess you win this time," Snart said to him and Barry felt a jolt. When they had played games, cards mostly Leonard would never admit to not seeing something, he hardly ever lost but when he did he just said "not next time" accompanied by a chaste kiss. Never openly admitting to Barry winning. Yet he was still planning on round two- not if Barry could help it.

  All the speedster said was "There won't be a next time", gaining a snort, and then thanked Thawne as he came up behind him and pointed his gun at Snart. Then he raced off, too uncomfortable around the defeated man. He would have at least given him a solid punch in the face if he had stuck around too much longer.

***

    Joe and Cisco had saved Caitlin, she was safe, in one piece and slightly shaken... But they had strapped her to an explosive. Snart could have got her killed, hadn't cared if that had been the case... The thought made him too angry, too angry to fully keep up that facade so he had headed to the West house. 

  All that was waiting for Barry there after Len's arrest was Iris finally leaving, a tearful Joe and an empty feeling in his gut. Joe attributed it to Iris leaving, of course he thought he had a crush on her, of course that may be some of it- Iris laving and not the crush- but it was definitely not all. Then Joe had offered him to move back into his house and Barry found himself agreeing happily to that idea. He was still living in the apartment that he had shared with Snart all those years ago, he could feel his ex's presence there even more profoundly since the guy had returned, worming his way unknowingly back into Barry's life, forcing knowledge of his existence upon the forensic scientist, it felt even worse knowing that Barry had sent him off to rot in an Iron Heights cell. He couldn't believe it, but he felt guilty and he knew it was that stupid residing affection, only worsened by the memories that clogged the air of his apartment. Yes, moving into the West house was a great idea, it only took him about two and half seconds and then he was there.

  Of course Barry forgot about Lisa in all of the chaos that Leonard had created. But when she did release he brother from the back of that van, Barry couldn't help a silent smile. He had always liked that girl. She would help, she had to with that beautiful, logical brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry, I am awful and this took me so long. I have been writting other things because I am terrible and my mind wonders so I am so very sorry for the delay.


	11. The Downward Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is getting complicated and then Barry runs back in time.

Barry felt sorry for Dr Caitlin Snow. Truly sorry. She was pinning for her dead fiancee, someone that she couldn't have. Barry looked at her and used her as an example as to why his situation was not anything that he had any right to worry about.Why he should quit all the self-pity over having a criminal ex that he may or may not still be in love with. It had been a steady downward spiral for the speedster. He had found himself thinking of the man more and more having been so close, now having stood over him as an enemy. When Lisa had freed her brother Barry had found himself silently celebrating, glad that Snart hadn't gone to rot in an Iron Heights cell like his dad had. He had had but a few hours with the thought of Snart imprisoned and he hadn't liked it one bit, hadn't been able to stomach the thought of someone with so much free will being caged. There was something wrong with him, something wrong that he thought that it was a shame to lock up a murderous thief.

  Barry could feel the attachment he felt, the bond that was there so many years ago and he was starting to think that it had never left but that it had continued through the years only he had tried  suppressed it. There had been no way for Barry to see Snart's eyes the last time that they had crossed paths, the time when Barry was left burned and frozen with his scar aching for days and an empty feeling. Barry had wanted so badly to see those eyes, only after did he realise it. The whole thing was one of many reasons that Barry had agreed to go with Caitlin to that club in search of the teleporting meta Shawna Baez and her boyfriend. The club where he had sung in front of so many people... 

  He liked singing but not in front of anyone, not even Joe or Iris but he had done it. He had done it for the same reason that he had accompanied his friend, to 'get out there'. Of course once again it was because of _Iris_ , he was pinning over her naturally- thank God that was what everyone thought. He had wanted a distraction though, but not from the woman that he considered a sister, a distraction from Len and his dammed intense eyes. And a distraction he had found.

  His distraction was a woman by the name of Linda Park. Apparently his public singing did do him some good after all. She was the sports reporter at the CCPN, she already knew Iris in passing from working in the same building. That meant that when Barry came to pick Linda up for their first date he ran into his foster sister. The look on her face when she found out about her co-worker and best friend was one that Barry could only describe as disappointment. The thought confused him and he hurried to leave with his date, he had no idea what the look meant. Maybe Iris had some feelings for him after all, he didn't like that thought.

***

  Barry tried to concentrate on his new girlfriend, she was funny, kind and she was a good kisser... A very good kisser. But then it ended. She thought that there was something between him and Iris, Iris had told her about the crush. Barry couldn't believe that Iris West could be so spiteful, she was attacking from both sides of Barry and Linda's relationship, using the knowledge that Barry 'liked' her to tell him that Linda wasn't the one for him and that he wasn't interested in Linda. Maybe she really did have feelings for him. Yet whatever her motive Barry knew that he would have been fuming if he actually had feelings for Linda Park. More than fuming, because he was already fuming, he would be livid if he had had feelings for his now ex-girlfriend. The truth was, he liked her but as no more than a friend, he wasn't that desperate. Maybe?

  Then he found out about the possibility of time travel. He found out through Cisco and Joe, found out that he was there the night his mum died, well a future version of himself and definitely not just eleven year old him. He was there but not just as a kid but as the Flash. He was there as the Flash who failed to save his own mother's life. His lightning had been the yellow lightning amongst the red of the Man in Yellow.

  It took a lot of research into F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M after their run in with Hartley Rathaway but they found Ronnie Raymond. It then took so much more to separate him from Dr Martin Stein. When they went off into no man's land Barry was 80% sure that they were going to die and for that moment he was okay with that. He found that if he lived that was good, that was a bonus but if he died... if he died it didn't really matter that much. That peace scared him, he was 25 and okay with dying? But he didn't die and he resolved not to think like that again, he had a city to protect. But he wanted to go back, to travel through time and succeed where he failed before. He wanted to go back and save his mum. Now he had a goal, something that he could achieve to change all the bad. His dad would never go to jail, his mum would live, he would never have to meet Leonard Snart.

  The problems were pilling up for Barry, the only good that was coming from it was that he was truly distracted from Snart. Distracted enough that when Linda ended it after they had given it a second chance didn't feel the loss of that particular distraction. The bowling alley seemed to be the last straw for Linda, Eddie didn't seem too pleased either. But at the back of his mind it was his mother. He had been there with all his powers and he had not been able to stop the Man in Yellow, the Reverse Flash.

  The next of Barry's problem's was Mark Mardon.

***

  Barry remembered Clyde Mardon the meta that could control the weather, the very first meta he took down as the Flash. The very first anyone for that matter. Clyde's brother Mark was meant to be dead though so when he turned up at the morgue looking for Clyde's killer... well that was a nasty surprise for everyone. It was in this time that shit really hit the fan.

  Mardon seemed to be more powerful than his brother was, the fist sized hailstones that he had killed the coroner with were just one example of that. He was a more powerful meta looking for revenge for his brother, and he was undoubtedly coming after Joe. What was freaking out Barry almost as much was... something strange. On the way to the morgue when he had seen himself. He confessed this to Dr Wells but the man had just said that it would be a speed mirage. Barry knew that it wasn't a speed mirage, it had been too _real_. He seen himself as he ran, he knew he had.

  The tension between Eddie and Iris was what drove Barry and Joe to leave the precinct to get lunch later on. The speedster talked to his adopted father about the way that Iris had changed around him, Joe laughing at his "complicated" comment. He turned it naturally towards a mutual change, that Barry found it hard to not think that Iris shared his supposed feelings. Why not? He thought, he was getting so confused over that bastard Snart that he needed to push the whole life time crush, even if it was just for himself. Then Mardon attacked them, putting all thoughts of that out of his mind as Barry only narrowly rescued Joe from being struck by the lightning that lanced down through the roof of the car.

  The next blow came when Iris came to him, came to him about Harrison Wells. She was following a "hunch" that involved Dr Wells being responsible for all of the strange goings on in Central City. Barry just told her that Wells was "a good man, if you are looking for a story then you are not going to find one with him". But he wasn't too sure, there was just something... When he told Cisco there was defiantly a look if deep thought there on the man's face.

  Barry decided to put that away in his mind, it was a load of rubbish plus he didn't need more problems, Wells was a good man, he had to be... 

  And then Mardon attacked the CCPD. If it hadn't have been for Singh then Joe would have died, the man saved him, pushing the detective aside, taking the blow himself  and Barry wasn't there fast enough to have prevented anything from happening to his boss. 

  The Flash used Cisco's weather wand to suck all of the energy out of the atmosphere as was its intended purpose but Mardon fled before he could be captured. And there was Captain Singh, Barry flashed him to the hospital but there was a horrible feeling in his gut. The feeling was guilt, he knew it like the back of his hand having felt it often enough. The feeling was only intensified however when that need filled him, his need to see Len to be held by him.  Making it an every constant presence for the speedster at that point in his life. Barry wanted to hide in Snart's arms where he had so often felt safe and protected away from everything that was going wrong. He told himself it was his scared and irrational brain telling him this but he was finding it harder and harder to convince himself of these things lately. Even when he was at his most relaxed he found himself craving the old days.

***

  Barry and Joe were waiting in the hospital alongside Singh's fiancee. The tension was high and, although he knew it was wrong, he tried to distract himself with how good looking Singh's partner was. It didn't work, the man held a deep sadness and fear and concentrating on him just increased those feelings inside of Barry. He was surprised however to hear that the Captain "spoke very highly" of Barry. That was something that definitely sent his mind reeling with its unexpectedness.

  The doctor came out to them after and age, the news he gave them was not good. Singh's fiancee went into the room and after the news that Singh might not be able to walk again Joe strode off with purpose. Barry confronted him and he was certain that he knew Mardon well enough to find him, that he would do it alone so that no one else would get hurt.

***

  Joe went by himself, or tried to. Eddie followed him, something that Barry would be eternally  grateful to the guy for even though it made no difference. Mardon took Joe and was hurting him- there was nothing else that he would be doing. He then phoned Iris and told her to go to the water front, to not tell anyone, naturally she told Barry and naturally Barry went with her.

  Joe hadn't wanted them to hurt or get hurt but both the CSI and the reporter were hurting. Especially when Mardon sent the tidal wave towards the city. The sky darkened and thunder rolled across the water and land and Iris would not leave. She told him, she told him that she had not been able to stop thinking about him ever since her had confessed false love to her, inwardly he cursed, he had never intended to truly ruin her relationship with Eddie. And yet it was he that kissed her, he that told her that he had never stopped thinking about her. Why? Why did he do it? He had liked the kiss, she was good at kissing but it had felt so wrong. It was worse than kissing Linda, worse than Felicity. He had taken advantage of them all to hide his own secret.

  He smiled down at her, holding her face and trying to hold back tears, hopefully she would take them as tears of happiness. It was then that Mardon sent the wave. The water swelled and roared towards the shore, towards the city bigger and bigger and bigger until it rose high enough to swallow whole apartment blocks and to block out the sky.

  Barry immediately dialed for Caitlin, something was up her end, something about Dr Wells but Barry was in too much of a rush," there's no time for that now there is a tsunami heading for the city, how do I stop it?"

  A vortex barrier, that was the answer his friend gave. He needed to run faster than ever run before but he needed to do it. To stop the water, to save the city. To save Iris, who's life he had probably already ruined anyhow.

"I am sorry, I didn't want you to find out this way," he said as soon as he had his answer, turning to Iris before flashing into his suit. He took advantage of her shock to order her to leave, to go, and then he ran.

  The speed force was all around him as he pushed himself faster and faster. His breaths were coming in great bursts as he ran up and down the coastline again and again pressing faster and faster. At some point he stopped thinking, his brain shut down in his panic. Faster and faster and there was a blue light and he was running but not down the coastline. He looked to his left and there he was, himself running along side him but on the side that he was the day before. He stopped at the crossroads. It was the same, exactly the same as it had been the day before.

  Barry knew in that instant that he had traveled back in time. He had actually done it.


	12. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that I have been looking forward to writing the most as I am terribly addicted to drama. This is based on episode 16 Rogue Time but is where the story once more moves away from canon.

  He had done it. Barry had really done it, he had traveled back in time. It was eerie to be having the same conversations, how he could echo has friend's words. Yet at the same time it was his chance to save the city, to stop Mardon from hurting those he loved and stop him from completely obliterating the city he loved. Barry could admit to himself that at first the idea of time travel had been mind boggling and so so confusing, but once he truly got his head around it... once he got his head around it well, it really didn't help much then.

  He was predicting the things that people were saying, the things that were happening around him and in the morgue Joe was giving him very confused looks. Then he was saying the same things as Cisco and Caitlin as they were saying them- that was when Dr Wells pulled him aside. And he knew. Wells knew that he had time traveled... and he seemed to know a lot about it. And it sounded terrifying, he could already have completely changed the timeline, and by the urgency on his mentors voice, that was not good. Every word, every step repeated- he hadn't done that up to that point, he couldn't even remember his steps or words exactly (and what person would?).

  Something that Barry had so desperately wanted to change hadn't though- Joe was still into catching Mardon "even if it killed him". So Barry did the only logical thing and captured the Weather Wizard, he had to there was no other choice. He couldn't listen to his mentor on this one, which of course pissed off Wells a lot.

"Whatever tragedy you think you have just averted, time will find a way to replace it and trust me Barry, the next one... it could be much worse." the eternal optimist said to him. 

  Of course that freaked Barry out, made his mind go into overload thinking of all of the bad things that could possibly happen but as the day wore on nothing actually did happen. Joe was asking questions but other than that things were fine... until they weren't.

   Linda officially broke up with him, he messed things up with Iris and Cisco was kidnapped. Barry was horrified, he hadn't recognized her, hadn't recognized Lisa Snart. After all of the hours they had spent together she had put a wig on and spoke right to his face. It was all his fault. He had been dating Len for just over a year and had known his sister for six months of that... maybe it was the time gap. He hadn't actually seen the woman in just over two years... but it was still all Barry's fault. She must have recognised him though.

  They only realised that something was amiss after a while, at first it was just Cisco not answering his phone and then it turned out that Snart was back in town. Somehow he had gotten his gun back, and Lisa had one too- they were hitting the resident mob family when Barry came to stop them. It was only as he was holding her that Barry realised Lisa was the girl from the night before. Then Snart spilled the beans himself, Cisco had made the guns because they had held his brother, Dante, hostage.

"If you don't want me to mail small frozen pieces back to his family I would take my hands off her," Snart said and Barry let Lisa go. 

  This was the worse that Wells had spoken of. The change in the timeline which had another of the people he loved in serious danger. It seemed that he couldn't escape some form of kidnapping.

"Let him go Snart," Barry pleaded with the man as the threat echoed in his head. His voice was broken and he had forgotten to vibrate his vocal cords, for a moment he was afraid that Leonard would recognize his voice but the moment passed. And would it really matter anyway? All that mattered was that Cisco was in danger because of him.

"I'll think about it," his ex practically spat at him, completely disregarding Barry's voice, before turning with his sister leaving the Flash with dead and unconscious bodies littering the room along with the survivors, all of who were utterly terrified.

  Then when he returned to the scene as Barry Allen the forensic nerd, Eddie punched him- because he had moved on Iris, great another enemy.

***

"This is all my fault," Barry said staring at the screen as he, Wells and Caitlin scoped for Cisco.

"How is this your fault?" Caitlin asked but before she could say any more Wells said," brave heart Barry we'll get him back."

"I'm back," came Cisco' dejected voice behind them.

  Caitlin rushed over to hug him and Barry stood too, but there was something in Cisco's gaze as it rested on Barry...

"What's wrong Cisco?" Wells asked as Caitlin pulled back.

"They had Dante, tortured him," he looked tearful but also... angry?

"Cisco what happened?" Caitlin gasped gripping her friend's arm. The pity and pure sympathy that so characterized the woman poured from her in that moment.

"I told him who the Flash was," he was looking directly at Barry as he said it and said speedster went cold. So that was it... Leonard knew.

  Both Wells and Caitlin turned to Barry in horror before Cisco gritted out," you knew him before the Flash." It wasn't a question. It was why he had seemed angry Barry realised, he felt betrayed.

"What?" both Caitlin and Barry spluttered, he had to put on the act, maybe he could disaude his friend from the idea.

"When I told him... Well you know that he has that poker face, well he lost it. He was horrified, afraid. I, we've never seen him show anything more than humor. He's killed people, kidnapped them and rigged them to bombs. Even as he torture my brother he didn't blink but when I said your name that mask just broke, I could see everything he was feeling so clearly. You knew him and well, it is the only possible way for that to be the case," Cisco accused. The man practically spat it, un-shed tears gleamed in his eyes and his voice shook with the power of his emotions. 

"I-I..." Barry tried to come back with something but he couldn't get out any more. He knew that Cisco wouldn't buy anything he could say after a displace like that from his ex.

"Well that would explain the outbursts over Snart," Wells said calmly, unsurprising.

"What was he to you? That reaction I got... you were or are close, he knew you well to be shocked like that," Cisco said pointing a shaky finger at Barry.

" _Were_ , he was something to me in the past, it was a long time ago, it doesn't matter," Barry said firmly realising that he had been backed into a corner.

"So you were close, how close?" Caitlin pushed.

"I- we um... I dated him for a bit," Barry looked down at where he was scuffing his feet against the cortex floor.

"Dated! You dated Leonard Snart!" Cisco exclaimed," please tell me that was a mistake, you didn't know what he was. It was only like a really short time right?"

  Barry glanced up at the others, Wells as calm and collected as ever, Caitlin quietly shocked and Cisco openly horrified. He couldn't answer his friend. It had been a mistake but not until right at the end... 

"How long were you together Barry? It's important to know how well you know each other," Wells said. He always said the logical things, the ones that made Barry feel like it really was important to answer.

"Um," was Barry's reply.

"Come on mate, like a month. When you realised he was a criminal you split right?" Cisco questioned. It was desperate, almost pleading.

"It was- it was just a little over a year," Barry confessed, the words stumbling over themselves on the way out of his mouth. Both Cisco and Caitlin choked on the information, standing there open mouthed.

"How long ago was this Barry?" Wells asked, still so calm and unaffected by the news.

"About two years ago I think- I don't quite know, I don't keep check. Somewhere... somewhere around that mark," Barry stuttered feeling helpless under his friends' gazes.

"Two years... that's about the time you got that scar on your chest," Caitlin put two and two together. So quick, trust her to be that quick.

"Did he? Oh my God did he abuse you? Did he give you that scar?" Cisco said flabbergasted.

"What? No, never!" Barry was horrified- Len had never harmed him when he wasn't the Flash, would never after what his dad had been like. How his dad had beaten him, Lisa and his mother," The scar was my fault."

"What happened? Why did you split? Did you find out about his criminal activities?" Cisco fired the questions at the speedster.

"I found out three months in and it is not any of your business as to "what happened"," Barry said somewhat frostily.

"Three months! Why did you not ditch him then?" Cisco wouldn't let it drop.

"Because I loved him and I got him to change!" Barry practically yelled.

"You loved him? Snart? And you didn't do a good job on changing him did you?" Cisco snapped.

"Well noticed Sherlock," Barry practically snarled.

"You still love him don't you Allen," Wells said, stated not asked.

"No," Barry said, taken aback by the question yet still answering automatically, but he said it too quickly, raising eyebrows-  then again even he himself wasn't sure.

  The other three looked at him skeptically as silence reined before the tension got to much for Barry and he glowered at them and flashed off.


	13. It Never Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of episode 16 when Barry confronts Snart face to face- but of course it's different.

Leonard, Lisa and Mick were riding along, following a lorry with what may or may not have been innocent purpose. The roar of the bikes was almost enough to drown out the shock, to take away the need to think about it. To think about Barry. The Flash.

  The sad truth was that he had never really moved on since the young man. Two years. He hadn't moved on in two or so years. But he could blame it on his... occupation. Yes, that was it. Leonard had let his shock show when he had gotten the information out of that Ramon guy, he had let the mask slip- stupid, stupid mistake. He must have shown his emotions because there had been confusion on the other's face and then the clever bastard had put two and two together, Cold had practically seen the pieces clicking together in the man's head. But how much did he know? Had he confronted Barry or kept it to himself? How had Barry felt when Len had tried to kill him? How had Barry felt when Len had killed a man in front of him to see if he could?

  His thoughts were cut of in a bright crackling burst of yellow and red along with the feeling that you get speeding around a corner and leaving your innards behind... only one hundred times worse.

  He stumbled as his feet met solid ground again but he quickly regained his composure to turn and see the Flash, to see Barry. The man stood there for a moment, breathing ever so slightly elevated with his gaze locked on Snart. How had he never recognized those green eyes? A moment later, Barry reached up and pulled the mask down so that Len could see his face and all the mixed emotions that lay oh so clearly there.

***

  Barry stared for a long while at Leonard Snart, now that he could without the risk of damage to his body or even potential death. He studied the man, trying to work out what had been niggling at the back of his mind all these weeks since Snart's return to Central. 

  The short hair was the same, the look in the ice blue eyes was as sorrowful as the night that he had saved Barry's life, the day he had last left Barry's apartment. Those goggles were hung around his neck over a dark t-shirt stretching over his lean chest and the cold gun, newly built by Cisco, was holstered at his hip. That parka was there of course, the blue parka, thick and warm clinging to his ex and hanging down bellow his waist, the fur lined hood framing his head and casting shadows onto his face. That was it, the parka, that was what wasn't right. Out of everything.

  Barry gazed steadily at Snart as the older man pulled back his hood. For a moment the two just stared at one another, Len looking so shell shocked, so sad and the emotions must have been bad for the mask to slip so far. The typical smirk and the drawl were absent, only the man that he remembered from their last encounter as just Len and Barry, the sad and sorrowful man, the one that Barry had said no to, to leave. But there was that parka, bothering him with the contradiction to that one main factor that he connected with Leonard, so he couldn't stop himself from asking, it wasn't really anything that he consciously said.

"Why do you need a parka like that? I thought you didn't let the cold bother you."

"Oh Barry," it was half way between a relieved sob and a chuckle because Len's eyes looked wet," I guess we both have stupid costumes."

  Barry couldn't help the smile that pulled up his lips but then, to his horror, he felt the tears on his face as well, warm but quickly cooling in the night chill. Not copious amounts of tears but enough to give the game away, to show he still cared. The problem was that being there face to face with what he knew now to be the only man, or person, that he had ever truly loved as a life-time partner, the problem was that he knew why it had all hurt so much. How every crime had been like taking a knife in the heart and having it twisted. How every encounter and every sarky jab at the Flash had increased the pain. It was guilt.

"This is all my fault," it was weaker than he wanted it to come. Because the realization that everything, every crime was his fault, the realization _hurt_.

"What are you talking about?" Len was looking at him, full of apprehension and confusion. His body language showed that he was just as uptight about the whole thing as Barry was.

"All of this, the Captain Cold business, it's because I couldn't forgive you for saving my life," it was barely more than a whisper and for a moment Barry had to wonder if Len had heard it, until he replied that is.

  The man opposite him laughed sadly, the emotion reaching right to those beautiful eyes," your heart has always been to big for a world like this Barry. I made my own decisions, and you were right- I should have never killed that man, a bullet to the leg or something..." Len trailed off as he took a tentative step forward.

  Barry swallowed because he wanted so badly to close the gap between them. He wanted to touch Leonard Snart again, a hand on that gorgeous jaw, taste those lips... But he shouldn't. He couldn't. He was the Flash now and Len was Captain Cold. He just simply couldn't do it, he had given his life over to the city now.

  Len was the one to close the gap in his stead, taking the choice from Barry- not that the speedster minded in the slightest, it just gave him an excuse. One step at a time Leonard made his way forward, one more every time Barry didn't stop him. One more until they were standing so so close. Just a hairs breadth from touching. He had to do it, the bastard had to make the temptation too much. Barry reached out a gloved hand and smoothed a finger down Len's cheek, feeling the other man shiver under the contact, before removing it again. He pulled the gloves off of both hands while trying to keep said hands from shaking too much. Len hadn't moved in any way but he was holding his breath, there was no way to deny it with their proximity.

This time when Barry touched Len's face, hands bare, the skin on skin contact so much better, Len moved his own hands so that they rested on the speedster's hips. The long finger's curled around the slim waist covered by the Flash suit. The slight stubble on Snart's jaw was rough against the palm of Barry's hand, just like it used to be. He focused on it, using the familiar sensation ground him as he slowly stroked a thumb up and down Len's cheek bone.

"I am so sorry," Barry whispered again, because he couldn't help it; he was sorry.

  Instead of replying, Snart leaned in that last fraction and pressed his lips against Barry's. The speedster shuddered for all the right reasons and parted his lips for the other man. His other hand found it's way to the back of Leonard's head and Len's arms tightened until the were fully curled around Barry's waist, holding the younger man there as if he was never going to let go. And Barry didn't want him to.


End file.
